


I fought love (and love won)

by trinipedia



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Challenge Response, Community: rpf_big_bang, Fanfiction, M/M, rpfbigbang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-11
Updated: 2010-11-11
Packaged: 2018-09-15 19:03:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9251684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinipedia/pseuds/trinipedia
Summary: When Jensen Abel, an up and coming event organizer in New York, proposes to his perfect girlfriend, he knows that before they can actually get married he will have to deal with his family back down in Texas who he hasn't talked to in years - and, more importantly, with Jared, the backwoods husband he married after high school who refuses to divorce him.To put matters straight, he decides to go to the South quickly and make him sign the papers, but when things don't turn out the way he planned them, Jensen starts to realize that maybe what he was looking for has been right where he left it the whole time.





	1. ~ Prologue - Just Add Your Laughter (15 Years Ago) ~

**Author's Note:**

> **Artists:**[](http://loverstar.livejournal.com/profile)[loverstar](http://loverstar.livejournal.com/) and [](http://inanna-maat.livejournal.com/profile)[inanna_maat](http://inanna-maat.livejournal.com/) who pinched in betting on the sinking ship <3
> 
>  **Beta:** [](http://lilchibibunny.livejournal.com/profile)[lilchibibunny](http://lilchibibunny.livejournal.com/) who saved my ass ~~and has therefore adquired the right to kick it and spank it until I learn what a paragraph is~~
> 
>  **Notes:** we all know RL is a bitch named Steve, and it caused [](http://loverstar.livejournal.com/profile)[loverstar](http://loverstar.livejournal.com/) to struggle with this assignment (it's a monster fic, after all XD) so my ~~enslaved~~ beloved [](http://inanna-maat.livejournal.com/profile)[inanna_maat](http://inanna-maat.livejournal.com/) ~~was forced to~~ decided to help  <3
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** Based on the movie "Sweet Home Alabama", even if I've sort of reconstructed the plot XD I've also ~~stolen~~ pawned stuff from "The Parent Trap", "A Very Potter Musical", "Make the Yuletide gay" and lots of songs, so if there's anything you think you recognize, I probably didn't write it. All the characters belong to themselves. Written for the [](http://rpf-big-bang.livejournal.com/profile)[rpf_big_bang](http://rpf-big-bang.livejournal.com/) challenge.

 

 

**15 YEARS AGO**

  
The air was crackling, as dark, heavy clouds crowded the grey sky.  
Thunders kept rumbling one after the other, announcing a pretty strong storm approaching.  
  
The lightning stroke once, twice.  
  
"Come on, Jared, slow down!"  
  
Two kids appeared, running from the woods straight on the beach.  
  
The slightly shorter one, who had a brown mop of air bouncing around his excited face, turned around to look at his friend's frowning expression. "Hurry up, Jen" he stated, urging him on.  
  
Jensen huffed, but still followed, muttering something about his father killing him if he found out he had gone to the beach in that weather. "We gotta get home" he tried once more, but Jared was shaking his head, laughing, and Jensen had always been powerless against his friend's dimples.  
  
The lightning stroke again, this time closer, and his eyes went wide. "Dude, did you see that?!" he exclaimed when they finally stopped, his cheeks flushed and his breath a little short, standing next to Jared.  
  
He kept looking at the sky, the sand, anywhere but straight at him, anything to avoid thinking about their previous conversation, but Jared wouldn't have any of it-seeing through Jensen's bullshit as usual-and grabbed his arm, standing next to him.  
  
Sometimes the way that kid could read him scared Jensen.  
  
"Come on, Jensen, answer my question" he demanded, but his friend stepped back, a resolute light in his dark green eyes.  
  
"No."  
  
" _No_ , you won't answer or _no_ , you won't marry me?" Jared inquired, and Jensen bit his lower lip.  
  
"Jared, don't be stupid. First of all, I'm thirteen years old and you're nine. And secondarily, we're both guys, we can't get married."  
  
Jared waved a hand dismissively. "Maybe not now, but in ten years the world will be different, you'll see. And since when the age matters?"  
  
Jensen opened his mouth to answer but right then one more lightning crashed on the beach and Jensen screamed, trying to run away from the danger.  
  
"Not that way, you don't" Jared said, though, rolling his eyes before grabbing Jensen's sleeve and pulling him along towards the point the lighting just stroke.  
  
Right in front of them, on the shore, there was a pool of golden, half melted sand that sparkled alluringly, capturing the last rays of the dying sun.  
Jared whistled and Jensen kneeled closer. "We'll be safe here" Jared stated, and Jensen arched an eyebrow.  
  
"Everyone knows that lightning never strikes the same place twice."  
  
Jensen shrugged but didn't say anything, as he kept contemplating the little miracle they had just witnessed. Then, slowly, he turned his head to look at Jared's profile and before he could stop himself the words came out. "Why would you want to marry me for, anyhow?"  
  
Jared's gaze snapped towards him, his mouth agape: he didn't expect that question, obviously. He licked his lips, suddenly dry, trying to find in his heart the reason why he wanted to be next to Jensen forever, but they were too many and too complicated, and he didn't even understand them all properly, so in the end he just grinned and took Jensen's bigger hand in his. "So I can kiss you any time I want."  
  
Jensen blinked, as Jared leant in, and for a moment he thought he was going to let the younger kid do just that, but then his reason won over and he stepped back. "What do you think you're doing? You need ten more years and at least ten more inches before you can attempt that."  
  
Jared's grin turned smug. "I'll be taller than you someday, Jen. Just wait and see."  
  
Jensen snorted, as a new, unknown warmth spread in his chest. "Yeah, well, keep dreaming, midget."


	2. ~ 1 - Nothin' Ain't Worth Nothin' But Is Free ~

 

  
**TODAY**

  
Jensen's eyes snap open, and he sleepily focuses on where he is.  
  
His office.  
  
It's raining heavily outside, with thunders and lightnings, which probably fueled the dream. With a yawn, he straightens up in his chair, unpeels a page from his cheek, and checks the time. He should have gone home at least five hours ago, but then again, so should have the people still working scattered all around the office. They have a very big presentation tomorrow, the first catwalk of new rising stylist Melanie Carmichael, and they can't afford to make any mistakes: it's the first big event they get to organize, their future as a company depends on how it will go.  
  
He recollects a few pages from his desk, stands up and crosses the room, only to meet the amused eyes of the interior designer, Jason. "You know, Jen, that accent of yours is a lot thicker when you're dreaming" he points out, smirking, and Jensen rolls his eyes.  
  
"Whatever. How come y'all let me sleep, uh?"  
  
Jason drops his ruler and shrugs. "Come on, man, it was five minutes. You looked like you needed a break. We're not kids, you know, we can manage without your fearless leadership for five minutes."  
  
Jensen ignores the comment. "What did I say?" he inquires, suspicious.  
  
"That we're all getting big fat raises and a stable job when you become somebody" Amy answers, and they all laugh.  
  
"Oh, look, the newspapers _killed_ Vincent Martin!" Jason announces, waving the newspaper.  
  
"I knew the swimming pool and the animal balloons were a little too much for the VMAs."  
  
Jensen glares at him. "Laugh all you want now, Manns, but if tomorrow's catwalk doesn't go without a hitch it could be us on the newspaper. With our careers."  
  
" _Your_ career" Gabe corrects him, putting a steamy mug in his hands "I only make the coffee."  
  
Jensen knows he should retort with some witty comment, but he's too focused on not moaning as he drinks it all up to think of any.

 

  
The sun is already up when they can all finally leave the office to go get a few well deserved hours of sleep before the event. "Thanks for the long night, guys" Jensen shouts after them as he sends a quick text message to his florist.  
  
"See you tonight at the show, Jen, get some rest" Amy shouts back. They all know he won't, but it's part of their job trying.  
  
As Jensen walks home, New York is awakening around him. Shops open, cars start circulating, moms are taking their kids to school. Jensen's gaze shifts from one side to the other and he can't keep himself from smiling. This is his life, his place in the world. He breathes in the morning fresh air, that still smells of dew, and his heart beats following the rhythm of the city. He's almost disappointed to reach his doorstep, in the end.  
  
Right as he closes the door behind him, his house phone starts ringing and his smile gets even wider. "Babe, these roses are fantastic! Why so many?" a female, thrilled voice chirps in his ear, and he chuckles.  
  
"There's one for every moment I thought of you last night, Danneel" Jensen explains and he can almost see her lowering her head, as her long copper hair cover her lightly bronzed shoulders, to cover the way she's blushing at her coworkers.  
  
"That's so sweet, Jensen, really, I-I don't know what to say. "There's a moment of silence before she gasps, realizing. "You just got home, didn't you? You stayed up working all night again" she states, her tone a little annoyed, and Jensen sighs.  
  
"Baby, you know how much this means to me" he starts, for the umpteenth time. "We talked about it, remember? I just want to be able to-"  
  
"Fine, fine" Danneel interrupts him. "You must be exhausted, go to bed. We'll talk about it later, okay? I'll see you at the show."  
  
"Sure" Jensen agrees, pliant, because he _is_ exhausted, after all, and he doesn't want to waste the few hours of sleep he can get fighting with Danneel about the same old stuff.  
  
"It's gonna be great, you'll see" she says, and her voice goes softer.  
  
"I love you."  
  
He hangs up and pinches the bridge of his nose. She's beautiful, smart and funny and really, some bickering shouldn't get to him as it does. Every couple fights, it's normal and even healthy, if you listen to psychologists, Oprah and Doctor Phil.  
  
He really doesn't have to worry.

 

  
"Okay, we're officially late, people!" _And I am officially freaking out_ he adds in the secret of his mind.  
  
The models are getting ready in the back and Jensen and his team are trying to fix the last details, like a dress that came out of a slightly different color than it was supposed to. "If you put the model after the second, the lights will be yellow. It will look eggplant."  
  
The stylist grabs his hands. "How can I thank you enough?" she murmurs, batting her eyelashes, and Jensen chuckles awkwardly as he steps back.  
  
"No need, it's my job" he mutters before basically running away. He will never get used to the attention, never.  
  
The loud cheer of the public outside announces Danneel's arrival; every time the girl appears, there is someone screaming, and Jensen has never understood if it's because she's hot, because she's famous or because she's rich. Maybe a little of all three. The cameras in the hall are recording a journalist as she asks Danneel some comments about who knows which political debate, and Jensen, as usual, stops to stare at her. He can't believe Danneel has chosen him, he can't believe she's there for him.  
  
He's so lucky.  
  
Next to him, Gabe sighs dreamily. "Please, tell me she has a flaw somewhere" he whines, and Jensen actually thinks about it.  
  
Nothing comes to mind, or nothing he will share with his coffee boy, anyway.  
To get back at him for last night's comment, he just says "we're going to Ireland for Christmas."  
  
Gabe's eyes go wide. "Are you gonna ask her...?"  
  
Jensen smirks, but doesn't answer. His heart is fluttering in a very weird way, but he ignores it, sure it's just due to the tension and the lack of sleep.

 

  
"Honey!" Danneel exclaims when she spots him amongst the crowd, and then she runs up to him, throwing herself into his arms. "Congratulations, the show was amazing" she adds, squeezing his arm "but then again, I told you so." Jensen gives her a quick peck on her lips. "The flowers were insane" she murmurs, and he grins.  
  
"I want this day to be perfect" he says "like you."  
  
She shakes her head, laughing. "Don't be stupid, I'm not perfect at all!" she retorts.  
  
"Well, neither am I" Jensen adds, shrugging, and Danneel smiles.  
  
"I know. That's why I love you."  
  
That's when he decides that, hell with it. Now it's a time as good as any. They kiss again, before Jensen's blackberry starts to vibrate in his pants and he pulls back. "I'm sorry, babe, I have an urgent meeting. You enjoy the party and I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?"  
  
Danneel tries to protest, but in the end she just huffs and lets him go. "Don't forget about the fundraiser!"  
  
Jensen stops dead in his tracks, paling. "Right. _That_ thing. With your father. Tonight."  
  
Danneel narrows her eyes. "You forgot."  
  
"Of-of course not!" Jensen stutters. "I'll see you later!"  
  
She stares at his back as Jensen walks away quickly and hopes this is just a phase and that things will be different once Jensen's company will be finally launched.

 

  
"I'm sorry, babe, my meeting is running a little late...why don't you get Charles to escort you inside? I don't like the idea of you outside alone. We'll make it, I promise."  
  
Danneel sighs and gets out of the car, still applying her lipgloss. She knew it. She glances on both sides of the streets, trying to identify the zone. "Where are we, Charles?" she asks, once she realizes she has no idea. The driver shrugs and just opens the door for her.  
  
There's a slightly older man waiting on the other side. "Miss Harris, won't you come in?" he invites her, all smiles and charms, and she follows him. At the end of a dark corridor, there's Jensen, wearing a tuxedo and looking stunning. Danneel knows her black, strapless dress is very pretty (it better be, considering how much she paid for it) but somehow, every time she's next to Jensen she feels like she has to try extra hard for the people around them to accept her as his partner. It makes no sense, since she's the famous, rich, popular one of the couple, but still she can't shake the feeling that she's not what everyone would expect to see with him.  
  
Jensen puts a hand on her shoulder. "Babe?" he calls, snatching her out of her reverie.  
  
Danneel blinks. "What? Sorry, I was distracted."  
  
Jensen chuckles. "I was just asking if you have made your decision. About Ireland" he adds after a moment.  
  
Danneel rolls her eyes. "What's the rush, honey? That's four months from now" she points out as they keep walking and then enter a pitched black room.  
  
"I was thinking...300 guests, tops" Jensen goes on, and Danneel actually stops.  
  
"For _Christmas_?! Jensen, are you on some sort of medication? And what's going on? Where the hell are we? I can't see a-" Suddenly all the lights are turned on at the same moment, and Danneel finally knows.  
  
They're at Tiffany's.  
  
At night.  
  
All over the room, engagement rings are laid on velvety pads, sparkling provocatively under the lights. She turns to Jensen, her eyes wide and her jaw trembling. "Oh my God" she murmurs "Oh my _God_."  
  
He looks a little nervous and maybe worried by her shocked reaction, but he still goes on with the program, kneeling in front of her. Another _Oh my God_ is right on the tip of her tongue, but Danneel decides wisely not to let it out. Jensen is freaking out enough as it is.  
  
He takes her hand and clears his throat. "Danneel Harris, will you marry me?" His voice is shaking and his smile looks more like a grimace, as he waits for her to ponder and answer.  
  
She doesn't really have to think about it, though: the guy got freaking Tiffany's to open for him so that he could propose, and really, who does that? "Of course I-" she starts, but Jensen squeezes her hand, stopping her mid-sentence.  
  
"Are you sure?" he inquires. "I mean, are you _really_ sure? Because-because if you're not we can just go back to the car, you know."  
  
"Jensen" she calls out, trying to calm him down, but he's slowly standing up and he's apparently unable to stop.  
  
"It's only been eight months, and I still don't have a _real_ job to support you, so-"  
  
"Jensen!" she exclaims, and that finally shuts him. "I never do anything rush," she says, pulling him up, "and I usually don't answer questions so confused."  
  
Jensen chuckles uncomfortably, and Danneel sighs. "At the risk of sounding really stupid...are _you_ sure?" Jensen swallows, and there's something flickering in his eyes, but it's gone too fast for her to be able to read it. After that, there's only the calm, dark green of his irises as he looks back at her.  
  
"I am" he states, maybe a little forcefully, but Danneel can feel how sweaty his palms are, Jensen's nervousness plain for everyone to see.  
  
She smiles. "Then...do I get to pick?"

 

  
"Mayor, just one shot!"  
  
"Over here, Mayor!"  
  
Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Mayor of New York, gets out of his limo right in front of the venue chosen for the fundraiser. He sneaks a glance on the side, then he turns to his assistant. "Where is she, Katie?" he asks.  
  
The girl shrugs. "Running late" she answers, and Jeffrey narrows his eyes.  
  
"Thanks to that Stable guy, I bet" he hisses.  
  
"Abel, Jeff. Jensen Abel, event organizer, Texan" she corrects him.  
  
Jeffrey huffs. "Whatever." He walks through the reporters without really hearing their questions until one of them freezes him on the spot.  
  
"Our sources say your daughter is engaged to Jensen Abel. Do you have a comment?"  
  
Jeffrey turns slowly, his eyes throwing daggers at the poor reporter. "Trust me, mister, if my daughter was engaged I'd have a comment."

  


 

"I can't wait to see the look on my father's face" Danneel says, giggling, as they drive towards the event. "Let's call your parents!"  
  
Jensen instantly breaks the kiss and snatch Danneel's phone away. "No!" he exclaims, and Danneel looks taken aback. "I mean, not right this second" he hurriedly adds, but Danneel is still staring at him with her arched eyebrow, and, damn. Jensen takes a deep breath. "What I mean is, would you mind if we kept this to ourselves for a few days?"  
  
Danneel blinks. "Jensen, it's gonna come out sooner or later, you know that, right?"  
  
"Of course I do..." Jensen sighs. "Listen, babe, I haven't seen my folks in about five years and I just feel like I should probably tell them in person. I think they'd be crushed if they found out from the TV or the newspaper."  
  
Danneel stares at him for a little while longer, before dropping her shoulders. "I guess so," she reluctantly admits, and Jensen offers her a small smile.  
Maybe he should wait a while before dropping the next bomb, but she's half mad already.  
  
"I also think I should do it alone."  
  
This time, Danneel's eyebrows go up to her hairline and Jensen sort of recoils. "Are you _ashamed_ of me? Because I'll have to meet them eventually," she hisses, sounding offended.  
  
Jensen flails. "I know, I know! And they will love you. Eventually." _Especially my dad_ he thinks bitterly. Danneel looks like she's about to protest some more, so Jensen just grabs her and kisses her within an inch of her life.  
  
When they part, slightly panting, she seems a little more relaxed. "Is it because I'm a Yankee?" she jokes, and Jensen chuckles.  
  
"Well, that, and a Democrat," he retorts, pulling her closer.  
  
"Okay, okay, fine," she concedes, turning the ring so that the stone is towards her palm "mum's the word. For now."  
  
Jensen smiles, relieved.  
  
"Thank you."

 

  
When they finally arrive, Jeffrey is on them like an hawk. "Lipstick does nothing for you," he hisses at Jensen before turning to his daughter. "What kept you?"  
  
"It's none of your business," Danneel hisses back, as the three of them pose for pictures.  
  
"You know I hate surprises," Jeffrey insists, with a fake plastic smile in place. "what the hell is going on?!" When Danneel doesn't answer, Jeffrey turns to Jensen. "Hey, man, how's it going? I heard great things about what you and your team did with the fashion show..." Jensen's gaze shifts from side to side, nervously, and Jeffrey gets more suspicious by the second. They are totally hiding something.  
  
To get back Danneel's attention from the reporter she's talking to, he grabs her hand and gets scratched by something. He looks at the seemingly plain golden band and clenches his jaw. "Looks like you're wearing a skating rink on a very important finger, _darling_ " he growls, and Danneel pulls a couple of times, trying to free her hand, but the movement turns the ring. Jensen covers his face just as the Mayor finally sees. "You are _engaged_?!" Jeffrey roars, and no matter how fast Danneel covers the ring, the morning after the pictures are on every newspaper in town.

 

  
"I'm your goddamned best friend, Jensen, the first one who stood by you in New York! Why did I have to find out about it with 12 million other people?!" Jensen snorts as he drives his rented car on the highway.  
  
"Sorry, Chris. He grabbed Danneel's hand, what were we supposed to do?" Chris huffs.  
  
"I know, we read all about it. Did she cry?"  
  
Jensen fixes his bluetooth. "Of course not! Why would she?!"  
  
"Did _you_ cry?" Chris retorts, and Jensen's car sways.  
  
"Wha-why are you asking something like that?!" Chris goes silent for a moment. When he talks, his voice sounds weirdly serious.  
  
"I don't know man, I always thought...I mean, Danneel's cool but-being with her for the rest of your life? Really?" Jensen swallows, hard, but remains silent. When it's clear he's not going to answer, Chris smacks his lips. "Whatever. Come and meet us, me and the guys are having a beer and then we'll jam all night, how about that?"  
  
Jensen sighs as he makes a turn. "I can't, man. I'm in Bumfuck, Texas."  
A loud gasp answers his statement.  
  
"You're in _Kirby_?!" Chris asks, still in shock, and Jensen groans.  
  
"Oh, yeah."  
  
Chris whistles. "Good luck, man. You're gonna need it."  
  
"Fuck off, jerk" Jensen answers, but there's no real heat in his words. They hung up just as the big _Welcome to San Antone_ sign comes into view and the radio, as if on cue, starts playing Eddie Dean's **San Antonio Rose**. _Welcome my ass_ , he thinks as he drives by houses, trees and gardens, before the road gets a little bumpy and a new sign, smaller and dirtier, this time, announces he's entering Bexar County.  
  
The landscape changes completely, so fast that Jensen has barely time to blink. Instead of the white, beautiful mansions, there are low, rusty houses. Instead of gardens and trees, barren land and dry bushes. Instead of rich people walking their dogs, there are small market stalls scattered along the road, selling everything, from pots to fruit, from furniture to fresh fish. Anything to get by.  
  
Jensen swallows, as the familiar sense of awkwardness takes a hold on him.  
He doesn't have time for melancholy, though: he can already see the yellow brick house appear around the corner.


	3. ~ 2 - Enchantments Strange As The Blue Up Above ~

 

  
He parks the car right in the middle of the driveway, the gravel crackling under the tires, and as he gets out a big dog stands on his four and barks lazily at him. Parked next to the porch stairs, a red pick-up truck he'd recognize amongst a thousand.  
Something clenches in his chest, and for a moment Jensen is tempted to turn around and run away, as fast as he can and as far as his untrained legs can take him, but right when he's already half turned the door slams open.  
  
One of the tallest guys Jensen has ever seen up close walks out, wearing a ratted wife-beater which in its better day must have been white, stained with grease. He's holding a piece of engine in a hand, a dirty rag wrapped around it, as he pulls his long bangs back with his free (and clean, hopefully) hand.  
There's a black smudge on his cheek, and some grease on his big forehead; his jeans are so worn-out that Jensen could guess all the muscles hidden under them.  
Not like he needs to guess, though: he has ran his fingertips over each and every single one of them.  
  
_Jared_.  
  
"He's loud, but he don't bite," the guy's saying, still without looking at him. "Shut up, hound, lie down! Come on, stay." The dog looks at him, confused, for a moment, but then it obeys and gets back to napping under the porch. Jensen steps closer, hidden behind his sunglasses and his expensive shirt, and Jared for a moment doesn't recognize him. Jensen can't blame him: they haven't seen each other in over five years, even if, looking at Jared, time seems to stand still and Jensen feels like he's a teenager all over again.  
  
It's just a moment.  
  
"What can I do for you?" Jared asks, slightly flirty, smiling welcomingly at him and showing off his dimples.  
  
Jensen is glad he's against the car, not because he's unsteady on his legs, but because it gives him ground to stand a little taller as he spits out, "You can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce, for starters." Jared's eyes go wide in recognizance, and he drops the engine for the surprise.  
"I mean it, Jared, the joke's over," Jensen adds, boldly, and takes off his sunglasses, storing them away safely in the pocket of his tailored suit.  
  
When Jared doesn't move, Jensen huffs, annoyed, and pulls a yellow envelope from his case. "Let's finish this, and quick. I've got a plane to catch." If he gets this done and over with in a timely manner, maybe he can get the jamming session with his friends, after all.  
  
Jared blinks, puts a hand on his hip and starts _laughing_. Not an educate chuckle, not even a polite snort, no. Jared laughs loud, his whole body shaking with it, so hard he has to grab the handrail to avoid falling over. "You're shitting me, right?" he states, breathlessly, once he finally manages to recover.  
  
Jensen ignores the scene. "You know, I never truly understood that expression but anyway no, I'm not _shitting_ you."  
  
He takes a step towards Jared, showing him the papers. "Look, it's even got these idiot-proof tabs to make it easy for you. You won't have to read it. One copy for me, one for you and one for the lawyers." Jared keeps snickering and that annoys Jensen even more. "What?" he snaps, irked.  
  
"Speak!"  
  
Jared's expression shifts, and from jolly good fellow he suddenly looks angry and maybe a little disappointed. "You show up here after over five years without so much as a _Hey there, Jared! Remember me? Your husband?_ or maybe _Hi, looking good! How's the family?_ " He's growling, while he bends to pick up the engine from the floor and Jensen's mouth goes dry as he's presented with a full view of Jared's perfect ass. He had forgotten how hard it is for him to keep his composure when Jared's around.  
  
The only way he knows to fight the undeniable attraction still fizzling in the air between them is to fuel the rage he has kept bottled deep inside since the last time he saw Jared, so he unleashes that. "You expect me to say you look good?" he hisses, crossing his arms against his chest.  
  
"What, did the Piggly Wiggly run out of soap or did you just forget how to wash up since I left?"  
  
Jared blinks, taken aback by Jensen's sudden rudeness. "They laugh at that up north? Or wherever you've been?" He sounds unsure, though, and Jensen takes advantage of it, stepping forward, a bitter sneer on his face.  
  
"You knew where I was, Jared. So don't play dumb and don't even pretend you spent all this time missing me, because I'm not buying it." He turns his back to Jared, his fingers wrapped around the leather of his case so tight his knuckles go white.  
  
Truth is, Jared didn't come looking for him. He never called. He didn't even _try_ -  
  
"Maybe I missed you in the past, but at this range my aim is bound to improve," Jared hisses, right behind him, and Jensen turns abruptly, narrowing his eyes.  
  
"Is that a threat?"  
  
Jared lifts his hands in a mocking pacifying gesture, but Jensen's not fooled. "Listen, you dumb idiot, I have a lawyer who charges 350 $ an hour and he billed me every time you sent these damn papers back!"  
  
He doesn't even notice he's raising his voice until Jared has to shout back, "I'm glad to see you finally got the message!"  
  
In the background, the dog keeps barking, getting louder until they shout at the same time."Shut up, Harley--Sadie!”  
  
Jensen blinks, confused. "Wha-that is not Harley? What happened to him?"  
  
Jared shakes his head, his hazel eyes clouding up before his gaze shifts, away from Jensen. "He died," he states, cold and dry. "You weren't here." They both remain silent, without looking at each other, until Jared shrugs, muttering something, and walks away.  
  
"Wait, what are you doing?!" Jensen exclaims when he sees Jared going straight towards his house.  
  
"Leaving" Jared answers, mockingly "you've done it, you should recognize the gesture."  
  
Jensen groans as he stumbles after him. "Why can't we try to keep this as civilized as possible, Jared? We're both adults, let's deal with this like adults: please, sign these papers so I can go home..."  
  
Jared stops abruptly, glaring at Jensen. " _This_ used to be your home, Jen. You don't even know what you're talking about." Then he has a sudden thought. "I bet your folks don't even know you're in town." He gasps as soon as the words leave his mouth, but Jensen just bit his lower lip.  
  
When he speaks, his voice is cold. "That's _my_ business."  
  
Jared sighs. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-but those people are the only family you got, babe, and maybe-" _With me out of the picture, things could be different_ it's what he wants to say, but Jensen lifts a menacing finger.  
  
"Don't call me that. You have no right."  
  
And with that comment, Jared is mad all over again. "Listen to me, _babe_ " he spats, getting straight into Jensen's personal space "get your butt back in that car, drive over and see 'em...then maybe we'll talk."  
  
Jensen stutters and steps back, nervously. He doesn't like to be so up close, he doesn't like the way the wind blows Jared's smell of oil, grease and strong aftershave right at him, and most of all he doesn't like the way his traitorous body is already leaning in towards the well-known warmth. It would be so easy for him now to just-  
  
He shakes his head, violently, as Jared smirks, turns on his heels and slams the door closed behind him.  
  
"Jared!" Jensen shouts, punching the door with all the frustration he has kept at bay during the whole meeting "come back here, you-you stubborn, redneck hick! The only reason you won't sign these papers is that I want you to! You are-" The door opens again and Jared storms out, his eyes throwing daggers at him, as he shoves Jensen towards his car.  
  
"You're wrong! As usual! The reason why I ain't signing is that you've turned into some hoity-toity Yankee asshole and I'd like nothing better right now than to _piss you off_!" And with those last few words, Jared slams the door close once more.  
  
Only once he's safe inside his house he allows the emotions to surface. God, he has never lied to Jensen, never. Until now.  
  
There are so many things he'd like more than to fight with Jensen. Fuck, he _loves_ Jensen. He groans as he closes his eyes and lets himself recall every detail of his face, his expression, the way he stood, the way he walked.  
So different from the Jensen he has grown up with, but still so true to himself that it hurts.  
  
One thing's for sure, though: Jensen has never lost his unique capacity of getting on Jared's nerves. "Divorce my ass," he mutters as he takes a beer out of the fridge and drinks half of it up in a single gulp.  
  
He needs all the alcohol he can get if he wants to make it through this.

 

  
When he gets to the living room, his first thought is that the beer maybe has expired, because getting drunk with _one_ bottle it's too much, especially for him.  
  
Jensen is sitting, crosslegged, on his couch. "Next time you lock somebody out, _genius_ , make sure that they don't know where the spare key is" he mocks him, twirling the rusty key in his hand, and Jared's stomach flips.  
  
No one has touched that key since Jensen left. He had forgotten it even _existed_. Jensen's house key.  
  
"Well" he replies, hating the way his voice comes out more bitter than he intended, showing how much the whole situation is getting to him "that's the thing about hidden keys: it would be nice if your husband, who hid it in the first place, told you where it was before _bolting_."  
  
Jensen's gaze shifts away as he stands up. "I'm not your husband, Jay. And if we are honest, I never really was to begin with." He swallows, and the next words probably hurt him more than they hurt Jared. "I'm just the first guy that climbed in the back of your truck."  
  
Jared stares at him and at the way Jensen's eyes get sad and regretful, and all he wants it's to cover the distance and wrap his arms around him until that expression is gone. He has never wanted to hurt Jensen, and the knowledge he still did it's something he has had to live with every single day. He failed the only person he swore to protect and cherish.  
  
"You're right, anyway," Jensen suddenly says, shrugging, and Jared blinks, focusing back on where they are and what's going on. "I have changed, man, I don't even know that kid anymore."  
  
Jared clenches his jaw. If it's the last thing he'll ever do, he'll force him to remember. Somewhere, under that expensive clothes, flowery cologne and hair gel, there's his Jensen, and he won't give up until he's gotten him back out.  
  
Even if he will end up losing him again.

 

  
" _Born into one of the wealthiest families of San Antonio, Texas, his father's in cotton and all that that implies._ " Jeffrey reads out loud, a grimace on his face. He expected so much more for his only daughter.  
  
"There is no listing for a Mitch Abel in San Antonio, sir" Katie announces, entering the Mayor's office.  
  
Jeffrey frowns. "What about high school?"  
  
Katie shrugs. "No record of Jensen Abel attending, ever."  
  
Jeffrey's eyes go wide, as he drops the newspaper. "Whatever happened to responsible journalism?" he mutters to himself, before standing up and pacing nervously around the room, scratching his chin. "Something's not right, here" he mumbles. Why would his daughter do something like that to him? Where did he go wrong with her?  
  
"Maybe she just loves him, sir," Katie hazards, and Jeffrey realizes he was thinking out loud.  
  
He turns abruptly and glares at her. "Oh please, Katie, be serious! This is just classic rebound. She's still too wounded from the breaking up with-who was her last boyfriend?"  
  
Katie rolls her eyes. "Steve Carlson, lawyer, San Francisco" she answers.  
  
Jeffrey snaps his finger. "Yes! You see?! That, right there, was a match made in Heaven. Society, political family, California...man, all those electoral votes..." he sighs, then goes back to his desk. "Get Danneel on the phone," he orders, and Katie nods, her expression resigned.

 

  
Danneel is presenting the building of a new children's hospital, and the flashes keep going off as the reporters ask one question after the other, despite being kindly asked to wait until after the presentation.  
  
"Did you see the look on my father's face?" Danneel whispers to her best friend and personal assistant, Genevieve.  
  
She snickers. "Oh, yeah. I thought his head would explode" she whispers back.  
"What did he say?"  
  
Danneel smiles brightly for the cameras and waves, before answering. "He said I should date men like Jensen, not marry them."  
  
Genevieve whistles lowly. "Wow, that's harsh."  
  
"Nah, that's Dad." As the director of the new hospital informs the reporters about the planned opening of the structure, Danneel's phone rings. She shows the screen to Genevieve. "Speaking of the devil...hi, Dad."  
  
"So," Jeffrey's friendly voice sounds as fake as it can be, "Have you two lovebirds set a date?"  
  
Danneel cringes. "I'm...pleading the Fifth" she answers, and his father growls.  
  
"Fine. Try to keep your secrets, I dare you: we've seen how good you are at that."  
  
Danneel chuckles. "At least you sound in a better mood."  
  
Jeffrey makes an noncommittal noise. "It's just that my approval rating went up two points: it seems like the public likes being reminded I'm a father...but I'm only thinking of you, really."  
  
Danneel snorts. _Sure, Dad._  
  
"Say..." Jeffrey clears his throat and tries to sound casual, "do you happen to have the Abel's number down there in San Antonio? I thought perhaps I should introduce myself." Katie's expression makes quite clear that he failed at dropping the comment.  
  
"Dad," Danneel hisses, "stop right now. I don't know what you're planning but I don't like it. Besides, I want to meet them myself, before you scare them away. _If you don't mind_." The tone she uses to spat out the last few words is a clear warning that Jeffrey might better not mind at all if he wants to still have a daughter.  
  
He sighs. "The press is going to be all over this, Danni, take it from me: happy couples don't sell. So, if there are any skeletons in his closet, we need to know about them."

 

  
Jensen is still sitting on the couch, his eyes throwing daggers at Jared, when a sudden wailing sound followed by red lights interrupts his thoughts. "You called the _sheriff_?!" Jensen exclaims, jumping, and Jared smirks, as the door slams open.  
  
Jensen is already with one foot out of the window, trying to escape (the old bastard always hated him) when a well known voice calls out to him. "Hell's bells," a younger man with an unkept mullet of light brow hair and a playful grin exclaims "If it ain't Arson Jensen."  
  
He turns abruptly, his eyes going wide. "Chad?! _You_ are the sheriff?!"  
  
Chad covers the distance and wraps Jensen in a tight hug. "Dammit, man, do we miss you around here" he says, smiling brightly at Jensen. Once they untangle, he slaps Jensen's shoulder. "You know, I saw the old Fuzz the other day..."  
  
Jensen snorts. "You _had_ to bring that up, Lindberg, didn't you" he retorts, grinning back. Jared fidgets, in the background, feeling uncomfortable. Chad is supposed to be his best fucking friend, goddammit! How can he be so... _cozy_ with Jensen?! He doesn't want to admit he's just jealous, because he has wanted to hug Jensen since he saw him pouting in that enticing way of his and he can't do it. "I still can't believe that you are the sheriff" Jensen is saying, shaking his head.  
  
"Well, you better believe it, dude!" Chad states, smugly, winking at him. "Sheriff Chad Lindberg at your service. I get to frisk pretty things around all day and get paid for it." _Ok, that's **enough**_.  
  
"Try and be a little more fucking professional about this, dude. We got a crime suspect here" he roars, and both Jensen and Chad turn to look at him, matching surprised expressions on their faces, as if they forgot Jared was even there to begin with.  
  
Chad rolls his eyes. "Now, Jensen, you can't just go break into people's houses" he starts, and Jensen has to refrain himself from laughing at the mockingly serious tone Chad is using.  
  
"I didn't break in, Chad" Jensen interrupts him, batting his eyelashes coyly "I used a key. _My_ key, actually."  
  
As he talks he takes the key out of his pocket and shows it to Chad, who groans.  
"Well, I'm afraid it still ain't your house, Jen, I'm gonna have to escort you out-"  
  
"Use the cuffs, Chad, please!" Jared whines, and both Chad and Jensen glare at him, until Jensen gets an idea.  
  
"If you get _him_ to sign _these_ " he says, pointing at Jared first and the divorce papers later "I'll let you _run_ me out of town, man." Chad arches an eyebrow questioningly at Jared.  
  
"What do we got here?" he inquires, and Jared clenches his fists.  
  
"That's none of your concern, Chad" he hisses warningly, but his (former?) friend walks up to the coffee table and grabs the pages.  
  
As he reads, his jaw drops. "A bill of divorcement?!" he exclaims, surprised. "But-Jay, I thought you said you took care of this!"  
  
Jared swallows, suddenly nervous. Chad knows too much, and he's terrified of what he's going to reveal to Jensen. "And I thought I had," he mutters.  
  
Jensen narrows his eyes. "Obviously _not_."  
  
Chad shrugs and gives the papers back to him. "Look, if you're still married this is his house too and you've called me for nothing but a domestic dispute."  
  
Jensen snickers and Jared glares at Chad. “He didn't hit you, did he?" the sheriff inquires, ignoring him and wriggling his eyebrows. "Because if you tell me he took a swing at you, I'll take him in right now. We all know how- _temperamental_ Jared can get, and we take that stuff pretty seriously nowadays."  
  
"Wha-hey!" Jared protests, looking offended.  
  
Jensen smirks, but then sighs. He can't say a lie that big. "Nah, Chad. Jay's never hit me."  
  
They look at each other, and for a moment they're back on Jared's old quilt, out on the field, looking at the stars until the sun comes up at east. Jensen swallows, fidgeting, and Chad smiles.  
  
"You know, guys, every single childhood memory I have has you two in it," he says, softly before grinning. "That includes the night I lit my ass on fire, remember that, Jen?!"  
  
Jensen huffs, and Jared grabs Chad's arm. "Memory Lane is closed, Chad. Get out." Chad sneaks a glance and laughs.  
  
"Of course, what a moron I am! You two got a whole lot of catching up to do...I'll leave you to it, yeah?" And with a pat on Jared's shoulder, he walks out.  
  
"I set you up with your wife, man, you _owe_ me!" Jared shouts after him, but the sheriff just shakes his head and keeps going.  
  
"I can't do anything, Jaybird, the law is the law! Jensen didn't do anything wrong!" He shouts back from the porch. Jared's expression brightens up. "Hey, Chad, isn't there some outstanding warrant for whoever dumped your dad's tractor in the fish pond ten years ago?"  
  
Chad freezes on the spot, and Jensen goes pale. _Screw you, Jared Padalecki, Screw. You._

 

  
Mitch Ackles is fast asleep on his armchair when the phone rings. 1:15 am?! Who would call at this hour?! He picks up. "Hello?" he answers, yawning.  
  
There's silence for a handful of seconds, before the person on the other side of the phone clears his throat. "Hey, dad."  
  
Mitch's eyes snap open instantly. "Jensen?" he inquires.  
  
"...yeah."  
  
He stares at the phone, then hangs up. "Who was it, darling?" a sleepy voice calls out from the bedroom.  
  
"No one, Allison, go back to sleep" Mitch states, gruffly, but right then the phone rings again.  
  
This time his wife is faster than him to grab it. "Jensen? Is that you?! It's so late...are you alright?" Mitch cringes. He can almost feel his wife's reproaching glare, and he knows he's in for a big fight. Still, he couldn't care less.  
  
"I just thought I'd surprise you" Jensen says, unsure, and Allison narrows her eyes.  
  
"Come on, Jensen, I know you. What's wrong? You haven't called in _months_ , being such a busy man and all..."  
  
"And you know perfectly well why" Jensen retorts, before taking a deep breath and trying to calm down. "Listen, mama, the call isn't the surprise. I-I'm in town."  
  
Allison's eyes go wide. "Wha-are you serious? Are you finally coming home? Mitch, Jensen is-"  
  
"No, mama, I'm not _coming_ home" Jensen interrupts her "I'm just visiting."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Jensen feels the disappointment in his mother's voice and sighs. "Mama, I only get three minutes, so..."  
  
Allison blinks. "You didn't need to call, Jensen. You could have just come on by! Don't mind your dad, you know how he is-"  
  
"Actually" Jensen interrupts her again, rolling his eyes "that's the thing. I was sorta hoping he could come and get me, but taking into account his reaction to my voice, maybe that's not such a good idea."  
  
Allison bites her lower lip, and for an instant her love for her son and her husband fight each other in her chest. Eventually, her heart wins. "Let me deal with that."


	4. ~ 3 - Hugs, Kisses & Turtle Doving ~

 

  
The silence between them in the car is deafening.  
  
Jensen knows he should say something, anything, but he can't bring himself to. His father hasn't as much as looked at him as he paid his bail money, he didn't even check to see if Jensen was following him out of the station. Seven years, and his father _still_ hates him.  
  
Just as Jensen is opening his mouth to talk, his father beats him to it. "What put you in jail this time?" the man asks, his voice gruff and cold. It's clear that he's just trying to fill the silence, he doesn't really care about the answer. Or Jensen, for all that matters.  
  
And he's aware that he should talk about Danneel, her copper hair and long legs, her high heels and her little nose, but before he can think about it he blurts out "Jared and his big fat mouth." He sees the way his father's jaw clenches, his mouth turns into a think line and his fingers grip the wheel so tight his knuckles go white. Jensen revels in that little act of rebellion, then he clears his throat. "Don't blow a casket, dad, it was just a misunderstanding" he adds, bitterly.  
  
"Yeah, like that ridiculous wedding in Canada we had to pay for" Mitch growls, low, but loud enough for Jensen to hear. Jensen narrows his eyes but, wisely, doesn't reply. _I would hardly call that a wedding_ Jensen thinks to himself, but doesn't say it out loud because he doesn't want to give his father the satisfaction. _We had to rent to a second rate chapel and all we could afford was a Pakistan dude dressed like Mickey Mouse._ He snorts at the image of that little man bouncing on his heels, all happy and proud to be there.  
  
The memory recalls another one, and Jensen suddenly remembers how nervous Jared was that day.  
  
He kept apologizing for making Jensen fight with his father, he apologized for not being smart enough and not gaining enough, and Jensen let him talk, but drew the line when he started to apologize for being a _guy_. He was still drunk from the night before and, thinking about it now, Jensen can't really blame him for that. They were still kids, they took a decision too big for them and haven't been able to deal with the consequences.  
  
It's Jensen's fault just as much as Jared's, that's the truth.  
  
He recalls going to the small reception by himself with puke all over his shirt, while Jared slept it off in the back of his truck. That's where the memories get tricky, so Jensen tries to focus on the landscape passing by outside his car window and it works, for a while, until he starts thinking about how much Jared's changed. Not physically, he's still a Sasquatch with a larger than life attitude and freaking annoyingly enticing dimples, but there's something in his eyes, in the corner of his mouth, on the edge of his voice. Somewhere between five years ago and now, Jared has grown up. How much, Jensen couldn't say.  
  
Mitch is still grumbling to himself, so Jensen pinches the bridge of his nose and resigns to make conversation. Anything to stop thinking about Jared. "Maybe you'd like to know what's new with me" he drops nonchalantly, and Mitch shrugs.  
  
"Sure. Shoot."  
  
Jensen cringes inwardly at the annoyed tone, before taking a deep breath and starting. "I met somebody. Quite a catch." Mitch lets out a bitter chuckle, and Jensen can see the way his expression shifts in a grimace.  
For a moment he wants to stop there, because he doesn't deserve to know this, but then again, Jared was right; this is the only family Jensen has, and maybe this is his only chance to get it back. So he closes his eyes and then drops the bomb. "She's really a great woman, dad."  
  
Mitch's head snaps to the side, as the car sways and almost crashes against a tree. He succeeds at regaining control and presses on the brakes as hard as he can, letting half a inch of tires on the asphalt and a lot of smoke in their wake.  
  
He turns slowly towards Jensen, who nods. "Her name's Danneel, and I'm happy. Really." His father's eyes are still scanning him, suspiciously, but some of the steel that gaze has held for years when looking at Jensen it's faded.

 

  
"Jensen!" Allison runs down the stairs to hug him, but Jensen steps back.  
  
"Hey, mama." She expected something like that, so she tries to hide her disappointment.  
  
"Good land of the living, honey, you are skin and bones!" she complains once she gets to see him better, and Jensen bites his lower lip. "Don't I get a smile?" she asks softly.  
  
"I know you got one in there." Jensen almost sways under the weight of summers spent swimming in the lake, of apple pies, of falling asleep breathing in his mother's perfume, still the same...and he can't stop the corners of his lips from going up.  
  
"There's my boy" she whispers, pulling him closer and hugging him tight.  
  
"Come on, come on, let's not let all the bought air out, ok?" Mitch interrupts them coming up with Jensen's suitcase, and Allison's jaw drops.  
  
What's going on?

 

  
"Well, are you hungry?" Allison asks, once they're inside. "I can reheat some chicken-fried steak for you."  
  
Jensen makes a face. "I think I'm fine, mama."  
  
Allison frowns. "You look so tired, Jensen" she states. "Are you? Or maybe it's the way you're wearing your hair now..." When she tries to pull a lock of hair behind his ear, though, Jensen moves away.  
  
"You've done a lot with the place" he says, conversationally, and his parents look at each other.  
  
"Listen to that accent, you don't even sound like yourself anymore" Allison points out, and Jensen rolls his eyes. What's with everyone expecting him to still be exactly as he was at 20?! "Sit down here, come on" his mother invites him, showing him a leather armchair. "I got this to your dad for the Christmas before last."  
  
Jensen nods curtly. "Oh, right. When you were supposed to come visit me."  
  
His father has at least the decency of looking a little guilty. "I told you time and time again, sweetie, it just didn't suit," Allison tries to explain, uncomfortable. "We did refund you the tickets, though."  
  
Jensen snorts. "I don't understand how you visited every stupid battlefield in the continental US, but you can't manage to visit your only son."  
  
Allison narrows her eyes. "The door swings both ways, Jensen," she replies, "and don't get me started on things _I_ don't understand."  
  
Jensen clenches his jaw. _Here we go._ "You always wanted me to get out of this place and be somebody, so when the hell did that change? Uh? What happened to that?!" It's a rhetorical question. They both know what happened.  
  
"I'm just saying, that's all" Allison states, lifting her hands to show that the conversation is over, but Jensen won't have any of it.  
  
"What are you saying?! Mama?! What is it?! Tell me what I can do to make you happy!"  
  
Allison smiles sadly. "Make yourself happy."  
  
Jensen groans. "I've _done_ that, already! I've made something of myself, I have a career, people wants to _be_ me, and-"  
  
"He has a girlfriend." His father's voice, interrupting him, freezes Jensen on the spot.  
  
His mother's eyes go wide. "Wait, what?"  
  
"A girlfriend" Mitch repeats, slowly "A _woman_."  
  
Jensen nods. "Her name's Danneel. And she's not my girlfriend, she's my _fiancé_. We're getting married."  
  
Allison stares at him, confused, and after a handful of seconds pass by Jensen starts to feel uncomfortable under the scrutiny. His father saves him from the embarrassment, though, asking Allison to go get some cake from the icebox. She throws a cold, disappointed glance at Jensen and leaves.  
  
His father approaches him and pats his shoulder awkwardly. "Your mama's a complex woman" he says, but Jensen just shifts away.  
  
"I'm going to bed."

 

  
Of course, when he gets to his room, his mother is sitting on his bed. "So" she starts "Danneel." Jensen nods. "It's a-nice name."  
  
"Come on mama, say what you came to say and let me go to sleep. I'm tired, as you quite well pointed out" Jensen snaps, sitting on the other side.  
  
Allison sighs. "What about Jared?" she asks, without going round in circles. That's his mother, straightforward and honest. Jensen maybe didn't learn much from her.  
  
"What about him?" he asks back, faking innocence, but his mother knows him well.  
  
"Come on, Jensen. You know what I mean. You've always been too hard on him, and maybe if you had-"  
  
"There you go again!" Jensen exclaims, standing up and starting to pace back and forth.  
  
"I knew it, you're still siding with that-"  
  
"I'm not siding with anybody," Allison protests, "it's just that Jared and you..."  
  
"Mama, can we just not talk about Jared _and_ me, especially not in the same sentence? Please? I know that we've grown up together and you've always seen him almost as a second son, but the truth is that I'm the only one you have. Deal with it."  
  
Allison nods. "How's he doing, anyway?" she asks innocently, and Jensen has answered _he's doing alright_ before he realizes he has opened his mouth.  
His mother smirks, knowingly.  
  
"So, you've seen Jared already, uh? I see your priorities: Jared, jail and then home."  
  
"It was just unfinished business, that's all" Jensen huffs, but he knows his mama's seeing right through his bullshit.  
  
Allison's grin softens. "That boy's going places, Jensen. He won't be here waiting for you forever.  
  
Jensen lets a rueful smile appear on his face. "Once upon a time, we were supposed to be going places together" he murmurs, and his mother squeezes his arm. "I just want you to be happy" she repeats, and this time Jensen nods.  
  
"I am" he replies "or I will be. Soon."  
  
"With Danneel?"  
  
Jensen licks his lips. "She's a great woman, mama. I'm sure you'll love her when you'll meet her. She's beautiful and smart. She's funny and she knows when to leave me alone. We're going to work, I can feel it."  
  
_Not like me and Jared_ remains unsaid, but they both hear it anyway.  
Allison seems to be pondering for a while, before standing, wishing him a good night and kissing his forehead.  
  
Once he's alone, in the dark of his old room, right before he falls asleep Jensen realizes something. He didn't say he loves Danneel.  
  
Not even once.

 

  
"You know _nothing_ about him! Are you even sure who he is?!" Jeffrey's eyes are throwing daggers at his daughter, but Danneel's used to his father's foul temper so she isn't fazed at all.  
  
"I love him, dad. That's all I need to know."  
  
Jeffrey waves a hand dismissively, dropping the magazine he was reading like it was a dead rat. "Yeah, yeah, very nice. But you've got to be careful: you and I are different. Not better, not worse, just...different."  
  
Danneel snorts as she drinks her morning tea. "I'd say."  
  
"We're in public life to serve" Jeffrey goes on, ignoring the comment "so we have to set good examples."  
  
"I know, dad!" Danneel huffs. "You've been repeating that to me since I was 15. Must you control everything, uh?"  
  
"Yes." There's a few moments of silence, as they both eat their breakfast, before Jeffrey snaps his fingers, remembering something. "You have to tell _Jenson_ that I reserved the Plaza for the second weekend in June; that will give you a nice, long engagement and the time to run away if you realize you made the wrong decision."  
  
Danneel rolls her eyes. "First of all, his name is _Jensen_. Secondarily, I'm not going to run away or change my mind, dad. And finally..." She sighs. "We were thinking Christmas in Ireland."  
  
Jeffrey drops his fork and narrows his eyes. "I won't let some country boy talk you into getting married some place where..."  
  
Danneel slams her hands on the table and stands. "He is not _some country boy_. He's my _fiance_ for Christ's sake!"  
  
Jeffrey lets out a disbelieving snort. "You are just like your mother" he mutters. "One minute you're brilliant, controlled and steadfast...the next, you're throwing it all away on some piece of ass."  
  
Danneel clenches her jaw, throwing her napkin on the table. "Those are your issues, dad, not mine."  
  
As she stomps away, Jeffrey sighs and hides his face in his hands. He didn't mean to say that, not to his daughter. But what's he supposed to do, just sit there and watch her make the biggest mistake of her life?

 

  
Jensen parks the rusty, old truck in the completely empty town's parking lot and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Okay, so. How long does a contested divorce take? _18 months_?! Mr. Kripke, I don't have 18 months. Hell, I think I don't even have 18 _days_ as it is! It doesn't work for me."  
  
The streets are slowly getting filled with cowboys wannabe and hard workers, and Jensen is so concentrated on his call as he walks that he doesn't notice the blonde, young guy driving by until he honks at him. "Don't see the likes of you round these here parts" the guy exclaims, and Jensen's eyes go wide behind his shades.  
  
"Mr. Kripke, can I call you back?" he mutters in the phone, and hangs up even before he actually gets an answer. Before he realizes he's doing it, he's crossing the street with quick steps and pulling the guy, who hopped out of his car, in a tight hug. "Oh my God, Jake!" When they untangle, he takes a good look at his old friend and whistles. "Your mama raised you right" he says, and Jake blushes, scratching at the back of his neck.  
  
"Yeah, well," Jake starts, but then he leans in and smells Jensen. "What is that Calvin Klein? Nice!"  
  
Jensen chuckles, squeezing Jake's arm, but it soon dies in his throat when he feels eyes on them. As he slowly turns, he sees a couple of old ladies, sitting on a bench outside a shop, glaring at them with a disapproving look. The one with her eyes narrowed the most, though, is a quite good looking woman, who could have been beautiful if she hadn't wore that stern expression. He clears his throat and steps back. "I better back off" he murmurs "wouldn't want to get you in trouble with your girl."  
  
Jake bites his lower lip and his gaze shifts. That's enough for Jensen to worry. "That's not your girl, right?" he asks, and Jake lowers his head. Jensen offers him a small smile. "Hey, it's okay, man, I didn't-"  
  
"I can't afford me, much less some high-maintenance babe like Lauren" Jake interrupts him, trying to joke about it, but his eyes are still sad.  
  
"What about that cheerleader, Cindy? You had a-you were hot and heavy in high school..."  
  
Jake snorts. "She coaches a women's softball team in Nashville now" he answers, and suddenly Jensen gets it.  
  
"Wow" he whispers "that explains some questions I had." Jake, despite his key role in the community, has always been one of the most supportive people in town, one of the few that would hide Jared and Jensen and back them up when it came to tell a lie to their parents, or fight against some rednecks. The guy isn't big, but he is _vicious_. Especially when it comes to protect those he cares about. Besides, he always sticks with his friends, supports them and never lets them down, which is why he has always been loved and respected. Jensen can see why he's afraid of losing it all, if he-  
  
After all, Jensen didn't have anything to lose himself back then and he had still been terrified. Jake is staring at him, looking unsure, but Jensen just shakes his head and grins. "I guess we all have our secrets, Jake."  
  
"Maybe...but I read about yours on the internet, and I know all about the hens in your cock house" Jake replies, with a smirk.  
  
Jensen is suddenly filled with thoughts about Jared, Danneel and all this goddamned mess, and feels like crying. Jake probably sees his emotions on Jensen's face, because his expression changes immediately. "Oh, God, Jensen, I didn't mean to-I'm sorry, I'm such an insensitive bastard."  
  
Jensen shakes his head again, wishing with all his might that the stinging he's feeling at the corners of his eyes doesn't mean tears are about to spill. Jake grabs his wrist. "Listen, Jensen, I've always wanted to tell you that-" Right then, his phone starts beeping, and he curses. "Shit, I gotta get back to the factory. Are you in town for a while?" Jake asks.  
  
"I seriously hope not" Jensen answers, annoyed at all he's going through and, especially, at himself. "Just gonna hit the bank."  
  
Jake's gaze softens as he opens his car door. "It was good to see you" he says, and Jensen nods.  
  
"You too, man." He stares at Jake's car driving away, then he sighs and steps inside the bank.

 

  
There's a couple of persons queueing in front of the counter, and one of them narrows his eyes as soon as he sees Jensen entering. "Hello, Mr. Beaver" Jensen greets him, unsure, and the man just touches his dirt baseball hat, moving a step back. Jensen notices he's still crippled. "How's your leg?" he asks.  
  
The man sneers at him. "It don't give me too much trouble, son. Your presence here, on the other hand, is much more troublesome." Jensen looks taken aback, and Mr. Beaver shrugs. "I'll be back when the air will be a little clearer, Alona," he tells the girl at the cashier, before leaving the office.  
  
Jensen is still staring at the revolving door the man walked out of when he gets in front of the counter. A beautiful woman with clear eyes and long, blonde hair arches a perfectly plucked eyebrow at him, her expression cold and unwelcoming. "Well, look what the cat dragged in," she says, and only then Jensen recognizes her. Alona, the head cheerleader.  
  
"Hi, Alona. You look-"  
  
"Fabulous, I know" she finishes for him, annoyed. "What do you want, Jensen? Make it quick, please, I have work to do and you already scared away all the customers." Jensen looks around and realizes that yeah, he did. The office is completely empty. He feels the old, well known feeling of rejection take hold of his stomach, as his light breakfast comes back up. He forces himself to stay calm, though. He won't give this person the satisfaction of seeing she hurt him. Again.  
  
"I-I noticed you don't have an ATM."  
  
Alona whips her hair back. "Oh, them things. The boss won't get one because he thinks we'd lose personal contact with customers otherwise."  
  
"That would be _tragic_ " Jensen mutters.  
  
"I'm sure he would have, though, if he knew _you_ would have the guts to come back, someday" she adds, with a fake, plastic smile. Jensen can see the hatred and the blatant disgust reflected on her face, and takes a step back, but she has no intention on letting him off the hook that easily. "Chad said you and Jared had quite the... _reunion_."  
  
Jensen groans inwardly. Chad has never really understood the way this town has taken the whole thing. He's still convinced that no one ever saw anything wrong with Jared and him, and that everyone would have accepted it, sooner or later. Well, apparently _later_ is never late enough. "That might be just pillow talk, though."  
  
Jensen's jaw dropped. Chad _married_ Alona? For _real_?! He suddenly remembers Chad's dreamy sighs and the way he seriously stated, more than once, _Y'all don't see her like I do_. All in all, he shouldn't really be surprised, but still he can't wrap his head around it. "Almost three years ago" Alona answers the unspoken question, showing off her ring "and just in case it comes out, no, I don't want you _or_ Jared over to dinner."  
  
Jensen swallows. "Don't worry about that. I just need a withdrawal from-"  
  
"Your joint account?" Alona spit the three words as if they were toxic, and Jensen blinks.  
  
"My _what_?!"  
  
Alona huffs. "Your joint account with your cute little husband" she explained, that disapproving expression still on her face. "You're still married, aren't you?"  
  
Jensen bites his lower lip so hard it almost bleeds, before just looking back at Alona, defying. "Yes, we are." _Whether you like it or not, bitch._


	5. ~ 4 - Swallowed Up By The Whole Damn World ~

  
When Jared gets home, that night, the lights are on in his house. He steps quickly towards the door, the dread in his stomach curling with warmth because there's only one person who might be inside. There's a new, _ugly_ , couch in front of his fireplace, and there's a dinner for two on the table. Candles are lighting up the living room, and Sadie is napping on the couch.  
  
He hears noise in the kitchen and, when he looks in, Jensen is there, whistling some song that might or might not be Buddy Holly's "That'll be the day". Jared has to stomp on his will to get in there, grab Jensen and kiss him within an inch of his life, because that's _his_ man and this is the only thing Jared has wanted his entire life. A house to go back to at the end of the day, with Jensen in it. However, something's not right, so he clenches his fists so tight his knuckles go white and doesn't move.  
  
"Hi, _honey_ " Jensen greets him "lookin' good. How's the family?"  
  
Jared can hear the mockery in his tone; it hurts like whip against his shoulder blades, and crashes all of his dreams in an instant. "Cut the shit, Jensen. What's up?" he growls, and Jensen shrugs.  
  
"What kind of husband would I be if I didn't pick up after your slobby self?"  
  
Jared narrows his eyes. "The kind that don't live here" he retorts. "I'm going to ask you one last time: where did you hide the spare key?!"  
  
Jensen ignores him and goes back to cut the vegetables. "I talked to Chad's mama about that tractor, and then I stumbled across a few things today" he says, conversationally, as he takes the salad to the table, and Jared can't help feeling a little of the tension leave him as soon as he hears Jensen's voice. He has got his accent back.  
  
The sensation only lasts a couple of seconds, though, until Jared enters the kitchen. "Holy shit! What happened to the stove?!" he yells. "And where are all my magnets?!" Jensen smirks. Jared opens the fridge and glares at him. "What the hell is this? _Chick food_?! Didn't you run away to go back to being a man, or some bullshit like that?"  
  
"Light beer, less calories" Jensen explains, without addressing the comment. "As for the bed, will have to fly something from New York" he goes on "no bed here would accommodate your Sasquatchy self."  
  
Jared opens and closes his mouth, unable to reply, and in the end he just gives up. "Whatever blows your dress up, babe. Go ahead and spend your money, if that's what you want."  
  
"But _babe_ " Jensen replies "I thought you said we should think of it as...what was it? Oh, yes. _Our_ money."  
  
Jared freezes, his eyes wide, as he realizes what just happened. "How-how much did you take?" he asks, breathless, dreading the answer he already knows.  
  
"All of it" Jensen answers, confirming his worst fears.  
  
"Why did you have all that cash anyway? What did you get yourself into?"  
  
Jared roars, grabs Jensen and smashes him against the whole, his eyes narrowed. "You son of a bitch" he hisses, his arm pressing against Jensen's windpipe, and Jensen moans in pain. His expression doesn't get less furious though.  
  
"Yeah, go ahead" he hisses back "hit me. Prove Chad and everyone else they're all right about you."  
  
Jared lets him go, abruptly, knowing perfectly well he could never really hurt Jensen no matter what a spineless dick he is. "Get out of my house. Right _now_." His voice is shaking with rage, and he thinks he has seen Jensen twitch a little. _Good_.  
  
Jensen steps towards his briefcase and for a moment Jared thinks he's really going to leave, but then he gets the yellow envelope Jared hates so much and offers it to him. "Sign this goddamned papers, Jared, and I will give it all back to you, to the last cent."  
  
Jared swallows. So, this is it. This is where they are. Hurting each other on purpose because they can't stand each other. The fight leaves him and his shoulders sag. Maybe there's nothing left to fight for, and he should just...give up. Admit he was wrong. "Fine" he spits out. "Give me a pen."  
  
Jensen takes it out, but right before he gives it to Jared he seems to think about something. "Why do you have all that cash saved up, Jared?" he inquires, arching an eyebrow. "You even quit the tyre factory! Is it-are you doing anything illegal? Are you going to get yourself _killed_?!"  
  
"Maybe I am. So?! Why would you care?!" Jared exclaims, bitterly, and Jensen looks taken aback. He does care. They didn't work, but he will always care about Jared. He thought that was a given. "Besides, I'm not asking about your girlfriend, am I?" Jared adds, with a grimace. "So keep your nose out of my fucking life."  
  
Jensen goes pale. Jared-Jared _knows_. Jared has known about Danneel all along. "Who told you?" he can't help asking, his voice trembling a little, and Jared snorts.  
  
"Babe, just because I talk slow doesn't mean I'm stupid." He sits on the couch and takes the papers out the envelope. He's about to sign and get Jensen's life back the way it's supposed to be, but somehow Jensen can't let him. Not without some sort of explanation.  
  
He sighs. "Look, Jay, I-"  
  
"Yeah, you're right" Jared mutters "who am I to know what you want, uh? How presumptuous of me." He offers Jensen a small, bitter smile that doesn't reach his eyes, and a pang of longing gets a hold on Jensen, so he turns his back to him, finally noticing the glass sculpture on the fireplace.  
  
It's not really a glass sculpture, though: it's what happens to sand when it's hit by lightning. It's a token of that night. "I can't believe you kept this thing all these years" he says, getting closer and brushing the tip of his fingers on it "most people don't know lighting does that to sand." He remembers the thrill of forbidden, he remembers the way his heart was racing and he knows it wasn't only the fear.  
  
It was Jared. Jared is the only person who has ever made his heart beat that way. He sighs and keep looking at it, as Jared goes through the papers and decides that no, he can't do it. Maybe there is still something to fight for, after all.  
  
"You know what, Jen? I think I have to ask my lawyer to take a look at these before I sign" he states, dropping them on the table. "Besides, I have a hot date." He walks to his bedroom and takes off his t-shirt in a single, swift moment.  
  
Jensen's mouth goes instantly dry. He can still recall how firm Jared's abs are, the way his sweat used to taste as they made love and he licked it away from the nape of Jared's neck. He recalls how Jared shivered and moaned loud when he bit his nipples, the shaky sigh when Jensen sucked on his hipbone, and suddenly he can't breathe.  
  
He grabs the back of the couch to steady himself, and only then Jared's words come through his lusty haze. "Wait, what?" he stutters out, hating how hoarse his voice sounds.  
  
Jared shrugs. "Hey, I'm just a simple country boy. There's words in there I can't even pronounce, let alone understand." He puts on a white wife-beater and a short-sleeved shirt on top of it and Jensen can finally grasp some control back.  
  
"Sign the damn papers!" he yells, hating the fact that Jared can still rile him up like this.  
  
Jared smirks. "Nah. But thanks for stopping by" he replies, before leaving with the envelope.  
  
Jensen needs a handful of seconds to calm down, and once he's more or less cool he jumps in his car and drives to the Roadhouse. He just knows that's where Jared's gone to, and if he can get a look at his _hot date_ and maybe ruin it for him, well, all better. He'd never admit how jealous he is of whoever gets to have Jared, his laughter and his hands.  
  
That would just be hypocritical.

 

  
Jensen's phone rings just as he's about to enter the bar and he sees Danneel's name flicker on the display. Guilt gnaws at him: he hasn't called her in two days, and his mind has been so focused on his family, the town and Jared that he didn't even _think_ about her. As soon as he presses the answer button, he tells her he loves her. Repeatedly. Danneel giggles. "Are you sitting down?" she asks, and Jensen pales.  
  
"Bad news?"  
  
"Not at all!" she exclaims. "I picked up the New York magazine and there's an article on Melanie Carmichael's show. I quote: _Melanie Carmichael's catwalk was a cool of fresh hair blowing through the tents at the Fashion Week. Jensen Abel and his team are a soon-to-be a nationally recognized event organizing company. Event holders have labelled them the next big thing._ "  
  
Jensen squeaks, flailing his arms. He made it. He has a future, now, some sort of security, and the thought fills him with hope. Still...he expected to be so much happier about it. He ignores the weird feeling, and just sends Danneel a kiss through the phone. "God, babe, I needed that almost as much as I need you" he murmurs, missing how easy it is to just fall in Danneel's arms after a hard day.  
  
"What is that noise?" Danneel inquires, and Jensen cringes: apparently the music coming from the bar reached her.  
  
"It's the sound of my past" he hisses, and Danneel seems to get that it wouldn't be wise for her to inquire further.  
  
"Have fun" it's all she says before murmuring she loves him and hanging up. Jensen takes a deep breath, reminds himself why he's doing this, and steps inside the bar.

 

  
Samantha can't believe her eyes. Sure, he's a little thinner and his hair spot blond highlights, the black slim shirt fitting like a glove it's something he'd had never wore before and the jeans seem to be straight out of a fashion magazine, but there's no doubt about it. That's _him_. "Batten down the hatches, guys!" she shouts out. "Trouble just walked in, disguised as my favorite son-in law!"  
  
Jensen freezes, as the whole bar turns to look at him. There goes his plan of being sneaky. Samantha gets off the counter and walks straight to him. "What, you too primped and proper to give me a hug?" she asks, and Jensen shakes his head, offering her a tight smile and holding her against his chest awkwardly.  
  
Jared's mother sort of intimidates him, so strong, so independent. She knows what she wants and she doesn't let anyone give her shit for it. She should have been Jensen's model in life but, for some reason, she never was. Samantha steps back. "You look so beautiful, Jensen, I was almost afraid of touching you. How lucky am I to have a son-in-law so stunning, uh?" she jokes.  
  
"Soon to be _ex_ son-in law, if Jared will pull his head out of his ass long enough to sign the divorce papers" he corrects her, and he can see something flicker in her eyes. It's gone too fast for Jensen to be able to interpret it, anyway.  
  
"Who's the lucky guy?" she inquires, and Jensen cringes.  
  
" _Her_ name is Danneel" he answers, and Samantha clenches her jaw.  
  
"I see." Jensen fidgets uncomfortably under her scrutiny: she has always looked at him as if she could see right through him, and it's unsettling, especially now that there's so much confusion there.  
  
"She's in politics" Jensen adds, weakly, and Samantha smiles, a smile as fake as Alona's down at the bank.  
  
"She's got my vote." Then she turns to the counter, shouts to the barman to give Jensen whatever he wants and then leaves, without as much as another glance at him. Jensen feels like he has disappointed her, and doesn't like the sensation at all. He swallows down his beer in three gulps, and is halfway through the second before he hears a very well known voice right behind him.  
  
"Jensen, is that you?!" He turns slowly and he's shocked to see a lanky guy, with dark hair and intense blue eyes, standing there wearing a hideous pink sweater, with a baby cradled in his arms.  
  
"...Misha?" he asks, unsure, and the man beams at him.  
  
"Of course it's me! Oh my God, I can't believe it!" Jensen can't stop staring at the baby. Misha chuckles. "Yeah, I know, big change, uh? I'm fashion challenged, while you look all fancy straight out of a magazine..."  
  
Jensen scratches the back of his head, still shocked. "You...you've got a baby! In-in a bar!" he points out in the end, and Misha snorts.  
  
"Hell, I got three more at home" he replies, as Jensen's eyes go wide "but this one's too small to be left alone, so I cart him everywhere I go." Jensen swallows his beer, speechless. "You know" Misha goes on, conversationally "I wanted to buy the same shirt the other day. But Victoria would kill me if I spent 30 bucks on a stupid shirt. When would I wear it, anyway?"  
  
Jensen just stares, his mouth agape, not sure of what to say. "This is surreal" he mutters.  
  
"Tell me about it" Misha echoes. 

 

  
When he finally manages to free himself from Misha, who was telling him all about his wife's threesome book with details Jensen never wanted to know about his friend, he walks to the back, where the pool tables are. Sure enough, Jared's there, talking low and soft to some prick he has crowded against the wall. He feels like smashing his empty bottle (the third. Or fourth, he can't remember) on the guy's head, but shakes it off. "Mind if I join you?" he asks, falsely sweet, and Jared groans before turning.  
  
"Actually, we do" he growls, but Jensen is not intimidated. The kid is wearing a plain green button down, that matches his green eyes, and Jensen's jealousy roars in his veins.  
  
"You must be Jared's hot date" he says, grinning, and the kid blushes.  
  
"I'm Brock" he replies, holding his hand out for Jensen to shake.  
  
Jensen grabs it, a little forcefully, if the guy's twitch is any indication. "I'm Jensen, Jared's snotty Yankee bitch husband, whom he refuses to divorce even though I'm engaged to someone else already."  
  
Jared rolls his eyes, while Brock blinks, confused. When he opens his mouth to speak, though, Jared stops him with a hand on his arm. "Brock, babe, why don't you get us a couple of drinks?" he asks, and Brock disentangles his legs from Jared's long ones, nodding.  
  
"Is that an Estrella?" he inquires, pointing at Jensen's beer, but Jared groans again.  
  
"Not me and _him_ , me and _you_ , dude." Brock nods again and stomps away. Right next to them, there's Jake, who snickers at the scene. Jared ignores both him and Jensen and goes back to his game, but right when he's about to shoot Jensen puts his empty bottle right in front of his cue.  
  
"Why do you make me be mean to you?" he snaps, annoyed. "Is that what you want? Being humiliated in front of all of your friends?"  
  
Jared clenches his jaw and stands back up. Before he can answer, Jake steps in. "Come on, Jen. We used to be _your_ friends too."  
  
Jensen swallows. "That's the old times, Jake. Times have changed, now." Jake narrows his eyes.  
  
"Let it go, Jay, let's just play some pool. If you can't find a cue, just pull the one shoved up his ass" he states. Everybody laughs, and Jensen realizes he's alone there. He's a minority, and this is probably not the right place to pick up a fight with Jared. He sits down at the counter, from where he can see the game the boys are playing, and orders another beer.  
  
"You just sit your bony ass down there" Chad says, walking in "and watch me teach Jared here how to lose at pool."  
  
Jensen glares at him. "Well, Chad, that's the thing. I'm not really a watch-and-see kind of guy, am I, Jay?" Jared glares right back.  
  
Oh, it's _so_ on.

 

  
Hours have passed by, and there are empty whisky glasses scattered everywhere.  
"Go on, Jake, you got it" someone is shouting, as a very inebriated Jake attempts a shot.  
  
"Don't blow this one, baby" Jensen murmurs, right next to him, so wasted he can barely stand. Jake shivers at how close Jensen's smell is and how hot his breath is against his ear.He's so wind up he misses the shot.  
  
The whole bar groans.  
  
"So, Jared, are you going to divorce this guy or what?" Chad slurs, and Brock perks up from under Jared's arm, wrapped around him.  
  
"Well, he waited seven years," Jared replies, probably the most sober one, "a couple more days won't kill him. Unfortunately." Jensen downs one more shot, and half of it ends on his shirt. Instead of whining, he just giggles, and that alone is testament on how gone he is.  
  
"LIke it's gonna make a difference" he spats, and Jared snorts.  
  
"You never know."  
  
"True!" Chad exclaims.  
  
"You might be interested to learn that your boy Jared here, he-"  
  
"Let Jensen think whatever he wants" Jared snaps, interrupting him as he untangles himself from Brock to go take his shot. "He made up his mind about me a long time ago."  
  
Jensen swallows. "Some things never change, Jared." Chad misses his shot too. "Like Chad here!" Jensen states, chuckling. "He could never get his balls into the right pocket" he mutters, thinking about codfish Alona.  
  
Chad shrugs. "Well, Jay, it's you and Jen. Just like state playoff! Remember that, Jen?"  
  
Jensen clenches his jaw. "How could I forget?" he hisses. "That was the night Jared got Sandy pregnant. Of course, I only found out about it _after_ our wedding."  
  
Everybody freezes, and Jared's mouth go agape. "Why don't you just go public with that shit?" he growls.  
  
Jensen snorts bitterly. "Come on, it's not like anybody can keep a secret around here."  
  
Jake steps in. "Jen-"  
  
"You're right!" Jensen exclaims, turning towards him "you can."  
  
Jake frowns. "What did I ever do to you, uh?" he inquires, and Jensen smirks.  
  
"Oh, you never did anything to me, babe. But you wanted to."  
  
Jake pales, and Misha stands up. "Jensen, what is the matter with you?!"  
  
Jensen lets out a bitter laugh. "What do you mean, _daddy_? I'm peachy!" he answers, as his expression tells otherwise.  
  
"He's just unhappy" Jake growls "I would be too if CNN called the first real event I organized _less than mediocre_."  
  
The patrons laugh, and Jensen feels the anger bubble up in his chest until he can't control himself anymore. "Just do yourself and us a favor and go to a gay bar!" he exclaims.  
  
Jake's eyes go wide, and everyone can see that he's on the verge of crying. Seventeen years. He has been fighting to hide who he is for _seventeen_ fucking years. He drops his cue. "I had enough fun for one night" he spats out, before leaving.  
  
"I was just kidding!" Jensen shouts after him, but the looks around him tell him he has screwed up big time. "Hey, Sam, how about another round of drinks for my friends here?" he exclaims, arms wide open and the fakest smile Jared has ever seen on his face.  
  
Samantha shakes her head. "I think you've had enough, Jensen" she replies, ice cold, and Jensen snorts.  
  
"You're right. I've had enough." He turns to look at his people, those who used to be his friends, companions, partners, and feels so uncomfortable that he can't help himself. "How do you people live like this, uh?! Do you know that there's a world out there that has nothing to do with chitlins, children or beer?!"  
  
Jared grabs his arms and pulls him along, as Jensen keeps talking, spewing more venom. "Why do you treat them like something you stepped in, Jensen?" Jared hisses, shaking him, as soon as they're outside.  
  
"You asked for it," Jensen mutters, and Jared's eyes go wide.  
  
"Wait, what?" he asks, shocked. "You suddenly showed up, stole my money and then insulted my friends- _our_ friends, in fact, acting like you're better than them. Well, newsflash for you, Jensen: you are not."  
  
"Of course I am!" Jensen shouts, his eyes filling with tears.  
  
"That's all that matters to you now, isn't it? The money, the glamour...you're _pathetic_ " Jared retaliates.  
  
"Like you are going places?!" Jensen growls.  
  
"At least I'm doing _something_. So what if you can't play basketball anymore? Get a new dream! I did."  
  
Jared has had enough of Jensen's bullshit. "Get in the truck _now_ " he growls, and his expression must be quite scary, because Jensen closes his mouth and obeys. Jared groans, suddenly tired, and when he turns towards the bar, Brock is standing there.  
  
"So, uhm. I guess the date's over?"  
  
Jared bites his lower lip. "Brock, listen, I-"  
  
"'s fine" Brock says, patting his arm "wasn't meant to be, I get it. Didn't have much expectations about this anyway." Jared blinks, confused, and Brock chuckles. "Did a little research around, so I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew that if I was lucky I'd get to be the second best...didn't get lucky."  
  
Jared opens his mouth to apologize, to thank, to say it isn't true, to admit it is, but he can't do any of it. Brock leans in and kisses him, softly, on the lips. "If there's anything you need, you just have to ask" he murmurs.  
Jared sighs, giving him Jensen's car keys.  
  
"Do me a favor? Follow us home."

 

 

Mitch opens the door, and he's about to shut it back as soon as he sees who's on the other side.  
  
He's holding up a passed out Jensen, though, and even if for a moment Mitch is tempted to leave them both outside (the Jared kid has a house somewhere, they can go there) Allison is standing right next to him and squeezing his shoulder right this side of painful, so he steps back, glaring at Jared anyway. "Evening, Mitch. Yeah, I know you hate my guts, but someone had to carry your heavy ass son over here and apparently I'm the biggest around" Jared says, and Mitch just blinks, surprised.  
  
"Hi, Allison," Jared greets Jensen's mom, leaving Jensen's keys and wallet to her, and she smiles softly at him as he walks up the stair half dragging, half pulling Jensen along.  
  
"He's still marrying that woman, right?" Mitch inquires, and Allison sighs as he leaves without waiting for her answer.  
  
"I'm afraid he is," she whispers to herself, "but I really hope I'm wrong."


	6. ~ 5 - Where Once Was Pity ~

 

  
Birds are chirping, and Jensen groans, covering his face with an arm to avoid the morning light. When the hell did his world turn into ELO's Mr. Blue Sky?! He turns on his side, his head hurting like someone is hitting it with a hammer protesting at the sudden movement. Instead of his soft, fluffy pillow, though, his face is met with paper.  
  
Jensen blinks, trying to focus on what's right in front of his eyes, and instantly recognizes it: it's his yellow envelope. The divorce papers are tidily doubled, and Jensen's pen is resting on top of them. Jensen takes a deep breath and looks at them closely: on the _husband's name_ dotted line, Jared's clean signature stands out. Jensen swallows, feeling uncomfortably guilty, and lets out a heavy sigh as he puts the papers on the side.  
  
Wasn't this what he wanted? Didn't he go out of his way trying to make Jared sign? _What's wrong with him_?!  
  
He can't help recalling Jared's disappointed face, or Samantha's glare. He can't forget Jake's hurt expression, either. He fucked everything up, and for what?  
  
In an instant, the choice is made and Jensen scrambles up from the bed and slams the door open, decided to go to see Jared and beg for his forgiveness when he hears his mother's voice from the living room hissing, "Listen to me, Mitch, you will go easy on our son, you hear me?! I don't want another seven years." Turning the corner, he can see his father's defying pose and his mother's glaring eyes.  
  
"He knows what I think of _that man_ and his retorted ways, there's no need to hide it under the rug, Allison!" Then, she notices Jensen is approaching and her expression shifts.  
  
"Hi, honey, we were wondering when we'd see you," she greets him, ignoring Mitch's comment. The man is all dressed to go to work, and he only spares a muttered _see you later_ before bolting. Jensen groans.  
  
"I swear, people should need a passport to come down here" he mumbles, swaying towards the breakfast table. As he inhales his first cup of coffee, hoping it will make him feel a little less a society reject and a little more a human being, Jensen keeps thinking about how will he explain his family to New York city people, especially to Danneel's father.  
  
And Danneel herself, of course.

 

  
He finds Jared down at the harbor, distractedly petting Sadie's belly as the dog munches on a pretty big bone. Jared is wearing a long sleeved grey jacket, washed out jeans and some sort of bandana to pull his hair back. He looks ridiculous and out of place, all curled up on himself kneeling next to his dog, but Jensen feels a pang of longing and intimacy he had forgotten he'd ever felt before. He swallows.  
  
"What's he doing here?" Jared growls at Sadie before standing up, awkwardly looking everywhere but straight at Jensen. "I thought you'd be gone by now," he states, pretending he doesn't care when everything in his posture, the line of his jaw and the frown on his forehead tell Jensen otherwise.  
  
"I've put the money back on your account" Jensen tries, knowing it's weak and lame but feeling, for the first time in his life, at a loss for words.  
  
Jared sneers at him. "Oh, thank you _very_ much" he replies, ironically "saves me from bouncing a lot of checks. I do like what you did, though."  
  
Jensen blinks, confused. "Wha-"  
  
Jared nods towards the building close by. "The house" he explains. "Should help it sell quicker."  
  
Jensen gasps at the revelation: that's the last thing he expected Jared to say.  
"Wait, you-are you _moving_?" he asks, surprised.  
  
Jared bites his lower lip, as if he's pondering about sharing it with him or not, and in the end he shrugs. "Well, I've been spending a lot of my time somewhere else, lately, so..." He looks like he's about to say something else, but then he just shakes his head. "Look, Jen, I signed your papers..." he starts with a small, rueful smile, and Jensen knows what he's about to add but he doesn't want to hear it.  
  
He doesn't, so he interrupts him. "I never meant to hurt you, or anybody else for that matter." _Especially you._ He clears his throat. "I just came out here to say thank you, that's all. Thank you. For everything." There is so much in those few words that Jensen feels them weighing on his shoulders, and Jared's hazel eyes are so intense, focused right into his, that he can't breathe.  
  
Then the moment's broken when Jared snaps his gaze away. "I suggest you move out of the driveway," he states, conversationally, as he opens the driver's door of his truck.  
  
"You can't just- _leave_!" Jensen exclaims, when he hears the engine roar to life.  
  
Jared shrugs again. "Sure I can." He seems to think about something, and when he finally speaks it's like it takes a lot of strength for him to do so. "Come with me" he says, his voice cracking slightly. "I wanna show you something."  
  
Jensen takes one step towards him, butterflies in his stomach, and he's about to climb in the passenger's seat, doesn't even have to think about it, but then a lithe, black-haired girl in a white dress flashes behind his eyelids, followed closely by a laughing Danneel wriggling his fingers once she's put the engagement ring on.  
  
He clenches his fists and stops. "I can't."  
  
Jared's eyes turn sad. "Can't or won't?" he asks in a whisper.  
  
Jensen stares at his feet. "Both."  
  
"The Jensen I knew used to be fearless..."  
  
Jensen feels something snap in his chest, as he mutters back "the Jensen you knew didn't have a life." _Not without you, he didn't._  
  
Jared nods, curtly. "I guess you better get on with it, then."  
  
This time, when he drives away, it feels final, and Jensen just stands there for a little while before his legs finally decide to start moving again.

 

  
_Eric Kripke, Kripke & Associates_  
1021 Stone Ridge Drive  
Birmingham, AL  
35203  
  
Jensen straightens the envelope, after he has stuck three stamps on it. He clears his throat, approaching the counter of the post office. "Do you know Jake Abel's address?" he inquires, pen ready on the opposite side of the envelope.  
  
"813 Lafayette," the girl answers, without even looking at him. Jensen swallows as he slowly writes it down.  
  
"You don't remember me, do you?" he asks, not really expecting an answer, but the girl snorts.  
  
"Oh, I remember you just fine. You and your friends used to steal peaches from my grandmother's trees and then let her blame me for that." Jensen lowers his head.He doesn't even know the girl's name. "Yeah, I-I guess we did that."  
He's about to say he's sorry, but that wouldn't change anything and he feels pathetic enough as it is.  
  
The girl, though, seems to accept Jensen's apology for what it is, because he turns towards him and offers him a small smile. "Of course, on weekends Jake goes to the Abel plantation, being tourist season and all."  
  
Jensen blinks. "Well...thank you." It comes out as honest and sincere as it could have, and the girl's smile widens.  
  
When he's about to leave, she calls out his name. "I'm Sophia, by the way" she says, winking at him.

 

  
The Abel's house in San Antonio is still as big, as white and as wonderful as it used to be when Jake, Jared and him were kids and played in the garden. Jensen always dreamed about living there, having money and all the luxuries he could have ever wished for. Instead, he had the rundown cottage in Kirby. He sighs.  
  
Right then, a mean-looking maid opens the door. "Yes?"  
  
Jensen steps forward. "Hi, I'm Jensen Ab-Ackles. I'm here to see Jake."  
  
The maid's face relaxes. "He's out back, come on."

 

  
"Jensen!"  
  
Jake is up on a staircase, painting the top of a birdhouse when he sees him.  
He jumps down and jogs towards Jensen, no trace of his usual friendly smile on his face, and Jensen has never felt worse.  
  
Well, maybe on his wedding night.  
  
"You know," Jake starts, as he gets closer, "if the staircase had fallen on you, I doubt I'd gone to your funeral."  
  
Jensen cringes. He's joking, he knows that, but the guilt doesn't hurt any less. "I guess I wouldn't blame you," he whispers, his head hanging low. They stare at each other for a handful of seconds, before Jensen can't stand the silence and Jake's inquiring eyes and steps back, moving through the garden. The golden leaves, the tall bushes, the fountain...Jensen takes it all in, breathing deeply the scent of pine. It would have been amazing to have really grown up here, like-a perfect fantasy. "I'd forgotten how beautiful this place was" he says, twirling on himself.  
  
Jake laughs, bitterly. "I guess it doesn't take much to forget things, does it?" He's not trying to sound accusing, but Jensen hears it nonetheless.  
  
"Jake, it's not like that" he starts, but Jake shakes his head.  
  
"You know what? I'll tell you what it's not like," he interrupts him. "It's not like Jared's the only one here you run out on."  
  
Jensen opens his mouth to say _you don't know shit about why I ran away_ but what comes out instead is, "I didn't mean to out you." Once the first part is out, the rest comes easily to him. "I guess I figured that if I was pointing at you, then...nobody would see through _me_."  
  
It's only when the sentence is completely out that Jensen realizes it's true.

 

  
Misha told him about the festival, and even if Jensen is terrified of meeting everyone again, he knows he has to. He owes them an apology.  
  
Misha is there, wearing an ugly blue apron, serving food to a table of wailing kids, and he freezes when he sees Jensen approaching. He recovers soon, though, and goes back to feed his baby. "I'm sorry about what I said," Jensen starts, even if Misha has his back turned, because he deserves it.  
  
Misha slowly turns his head. "Yeah, well. Forget it. We've always known you were an ass, so it wasn't really a shocking surprise."  
  
Jensen stares at him, taken aback, then they both start laughing.  
  
"You know," Misha adds, when they've calmed down a little, as he coos at the baby in his arms, "he went up there, once." It doesn't take a genius to figure out who Misha is talking about.  
  
"When?" Jensen asks, shocked, and Misha shrugs.  
  
"About a year after you left. He don't know I know, but Chad let it slip once."  
  
"Wait, wait." Jensen pinches the bridge of his nose. "Jared was in New York?!"  
  
Misha nods. "He told Chad he'd never seen anything like it. Then..." he bites his lower lip, and Jensen shakes his arm.  
  
"Then what?! Why didn't he come talk to me?!"  
  
The baby whimpers and Misha glares at him, but goes on. "He saw you walking with a cute guy, he said. A little less taller than you, long hair, a guitar hanging from his shoulder."  
  
"That's-that's Chris!" he stutters. "A _friend_! How would-why would he think I-"  
  
"You were _laughing_ , Jen." Misha sighs."He hadn't seen you laugh in...I don't even know." Jensen scratches the back of his head. _He_ knows. "Well, long story short he realized straight off he'd need more than an apology to win you back: he needed to conquer the world first, a world you'd respect and would want to live in. He's been trying ever since."  
  
Jensen wants to reply, but that's when he gets it. "That's why he kept sending the papers back" he murmurs, as his eyes go wide.  
  
Misha smirks. "It's funny how things don't work out."  
  
Jensen swallows. "It's funny how they do."

 

  
"Look who I found by the parking lot, hesitant to join us," Jared says, pushing Jake in front of him.  
  
The night has fallen, but the party is still going strong. Jensen fidgets, as Jake's gaze shifts from side to side, unsure. Jared narrows his eyes. "Anybody can think of anything in here that might bother Jake," he growls, making quite clear for anyone who heard him that there will be hell to pay if there is.  
  
"Chad's breath?" Misha tries, and Jake snorts, as Chad gives him the finger.  
  
Jared turns towards Jake. "You still the same Jake I whipped my ass with at pool last night?" he asks, and Jake swallows, nodding. "Last time I checked, yeah."  
  
"Well then," Jared states, grinning, as he curls his arm around Jake's shoulders, "let me buy you a drink."  
  
Jake blinks, then untangles himself. "Thing is, Jay...you're not really my type, you know."  
  
The group freezes for a second, before everyone cracks up, and Jared slaps the side of Jake's head. "Bitch."  
  
Jensen chuckles in his beer, before noticing how weirdly shaped the glass is.  
It's quite thick, but still incredibly transparent. He checks the bottom of it and Misha snickers. “You drink that from the top, Jen," he points out and Jensen waves a hand dismissively at him.  
  
"I'm just trying to find out who makes this Deep South Glass" he explains. "I wonder if I could get it in New York, I mean...it's beautiful." He's busy drinking up to notice the glance Chad and Misha exchange, and the way Jake wriggles his eyebrows as Jared shakes his head violently.  
  
Despite that, Misha snaps his fingers. "Hey, Jay, Jensen wants to know where he can find some of that snooty falooty glass," he says, smirking.  
  
Jared glares at him. "Why are you asking me?!" he hisses through clenched teeth, and Misha rolls his eyes.  
  
"Oh, maybe because you're-Ow!" Misha throws a deathly glance at Chad, who whistles feigning innocence, and massages his shin. "-maybe because you're all spiffed up and all" he finishes.  
  
Jensen blinks, confused. "Am I missing something? I just-" Right then, the band starts playing Bobby Fuller Four's I Fought The Law (and the Law Won).  
  
"Let's go, people!" Jake exclaims, and the whole group stands up and steps to the dance floor.  
  
"Well, aren't you the Lord of the Dance," Jensen says, snickering, as Jake moves as if he's been electrocuted, but he goes along, because he can't even remember the last time he had fun without having to worry what the paper would have said about it the morning after.

 

  
They keep swaying and turning; Alona comes by, then Sophia, too, and a couple more girls Jensen doesn't know because they moved to the town after he had left.  
Couples change, until there, smack in the middle, Jared and Jensen are standing, awkwardly, one in front of the other. "Look at them two, welded together," Lauren says, shaking her head in disapproval.  
  
"Why should they fight it?" Allison cuts in. "Can't you see how it is?"  
  
Lauren doesn't answer, but her frown doesn't recede and neither does the grimace she's wearing, so Allison sighs.  
  
You'd think seven years would have change things.

 

  
Jared can feel the air crackle around them, so he hesitantly offers his hand to Jensen. Not that he expects the guy to take it.  
  
Jensen clears his throat, taking a step back. "Maybe we could just talk?" he suggests, scratching the back of his neck, and Jared feels the sting of Jensen rejecting him.  
  
Again.  
  
He swallows, shrugs and walks away, ignoring Jensen's voice calling him. He doesn't leave, though: he can't. There was something between them, like finally Jensen was opening to him, and he's not ready to let that fleeting hope go.  
  
Not yet.  
  
So he stays back and, when he sees Jensen walking away from the carnival, he follows him, hidden in the shadows.

 

  
Sitting on a wooden bench, Chad and Alona are clearing their heads before going back home. Alona has been weird all night and Chad thinks he knows why. He doesn't want to voice it, though, before if he does he'll reveal something he has kept hidden for almost ten years, and he's not sure of how Alona would take it.  
  
"Let's go to the Roadhouse" he suggests, but Alona just shakes her head, all wrapped up in Chad's jacket. Chad ponders. "Maybe we could drive to town and bowl a few frames, then?"  
  
Alona shakes her head again, her gaze lost in the distance. "I don't think so" she murmurs, her hands curled in her lap.  
  
From this position Chad can't see her ring, and his stomach clenches. He makes one last attempt. "Want to go arrest somebody?" he offers, wriggling his eyebrows, and Alona chuckles, her eyes recovering a little of their usual spark.  
Encouraged, he adds "I know this great place where-"  
  
" _No_."  
  
Alona's tone is firm and sure when she speaks, and Chad cringes inwardly. "I think I'm gonna call it a night," she explains, standing up, "but you can go meet your friends, if you want."  
  
She has only moved two steps away when she hears Chad's voice. "I thought you would be over it, by now."  
  
She freezes. He surely can't mean what she thinks he means.  
  
Chad sighs and stands too, getting behind her and wrapping his arms around her shoulders. "Does it still hurt that much? Seeing him, I mean."  
  
Alona slowly turns towards her husband, confused and a little shocked. "You-you knew?" when Chad nods, she takes a step back. "How long?"  
  
Chad's smile is sad, this time. "I've always known, Al. I've been in love with you since fourth grade, I've always known anything there was to know about you." Alona swallows but doesn't answer. "When the basketball team found them under the bleachers and they were forced to come out, you changed," Chad goes on. "You used to be his best friend, babe, it didn't take a genius to figure out exactly why you couldn't stand seeing him with Jared."  
  
He rubs his thumb against her wrist, gently. "I only wanted to make you feel better, I swear. I wanted to be there for you and hold you up until you'd have gotten over him. I would have never thought you'd go out with me, not even in my wildest dreams, but then...there you were. So beautiful in your red dress, smiling at me, only looking at me, and." He lowers his gaze. "I tried to tell you so many times, but then I thought...why reminisce what's gone? Why reopen old wounds?"  
  
"Chad..."  
  
He shakes his head, interrupting her. "Truth is, I was a coward, Al. I was terrified of losing you." They just stay there, the laughter and the music fading in the background as their heartbeat synchronizes, until finally Alona laughs, softly.  
  
"I can't believe it" she says "we're two idiots." Chad blinks, confused, and she smiles at him, tenderly. "I was shocked and some of the old feelings came back to surface when I met Jensen the other day, I admit it, but that was just because I didn't expect to see him again," she explains, flipping her blond hair back. "After that, I really didn't know how to approach him, you know. I mean, I acted like a bitch, and I couldn't apologize for ten years of bullying justifying them with something I don't want him to know. Ever."  
  
Chad nods, in understanding and agreement, but Alona's not done yet. "The reason why I've been acting so weird and moody, lately, was partly due to not knowing how to tell you about Jensen without you doubting my feelings for you," she reveals, and Chad feels like the stupidest man in the world. When Alona is sure the point got across, she keeps talking. "The other reason is, well..." She blushes and grabs Chad's hand, pushing it against her stomach.  
  
His eyes go wide and he stutters for a couple of seconds before he can finally get _tell me that it's true_ out.  
  
Alona's smile is blinding, and she has never been more beautiful. He cradles her in his arms and kisses her with all the love and devotion of a teenager at his first dance; by the way Alona melts against his lips, she appreciates.


	7. ~ 6 - Never Pay The Reaper With Love Only ~

  
Jensen's heavy steps take him straight to the pet cemetery.  
  
He doesn't even know why, until he's standing in front of Harley's grave. On a metal plate, the last goodbye: _"Death is like taking off a tight shoe."_ He snorts, as his eyes fill up with tears. Ram Dass. _Very appropriate, Jay._  
  
He kneels, brushing his fingertips on the plate. "Hey there, boy" he greets him. "Sorry it took me so long, I-I'd have come sooner if I'd known you were sick." He sniffles, then realizes he can't lie to the one who has been his best friend since he can remember. "Actually, that's probably not true. I've been pretty selfish lately. Dogs don't know anything about that, though, do they?" His voice comes out a little shaky and he takes a deep breath to get back in control. God, who would have thought he could miss that useless dog this much? "You were always like a big, old pillow," he murmurs, chuckling softly.  
  
When everything was upside down, or he was sad, Harley had always felt it. He never left his side, when Jensen needed him. "And then I just left you, right when you needed me," he admits, his fists clenching on his knees, and this time he can't stop the tears from falling. "I bet you sat there, wondering what you'd done wrong, when-"  
  
"I told him it was my fault."  
  
Jensen turns abruptly, not even bothering to hide the mess he's in, and sure enough Jared is standing there, hands pulled deep in his pockets, gaze averted. "Quit trying to make nice," he mutters, but Jared shrugs.  
  
"It's the truth, even if not the truth you think it is."  
  
Jensen blinks. "Why does it have to be so complicated, uh?" he inquires, and Jared sighs.  
  
"He was one hell of a good dog" he says, after a while.  
  
Jensen smiles softly. "Yeah." They sit next to each other, on a marble bench, and stare at the lights.  
  
"You looked like you were having fun out there, tonight" Jared points out, but Jensen hears what he's not saying.  
  
"I'm happy in New York, Jay." Jared lowers his head and Jensen leans in, squeezing his arm. "Then I come down here and-this fits, too. _You_ fit."  
Jared looks at him, in disbelief.  
  
"Since when does it have to be one or the other?" he asks, turning his arm and curling his fingers around Jensen's wrist. "You can have roots _and_ wings, Jen."  
  
Jensen shivers at the contact. It has been so long since Jared has touched him, he had forgotten how good it feels. "Maybe I could fly South for the winter" he whispers, and Jared chuckles, standing up.  
  
"I still go out there, sometimes" he says. "I see those big thunderheads rolling in...it's like a religion. Sorta."  
  
"I had a dream about it last night," Jensen confesses, suddenly, and Jared gasps.   
  
He steps closer once again. "Did you..." he starts, but he has to stop to take a breath. "Did you ever wonder what would have happened if Sandy hadn't got pregnant?"  
  
Jensen clenches his jaw. "Jay..." he warns him, nut Jared lifts a hand, effectively stopping him.  
  
"Just let me get this out before I can't" he pleads, and Jensen has never been able to deny anything to Jared. "I've always wanted to have a family" he goes on. "I desperately wanted to be different than my father. I thought that I could do better, I thought it was some sort of duty, for me, that I had something to prove, I thought..." he groans, pinching the bridge of his nose, and Jensen could see how all of this is breaking him. Still, he doesn't talk and lets him go on.  
  
"It doesn't matter. I was wrong. I was wrong, and drunk and fuck, Jensen, I was confused! I mean, who finds their soul mate when they're ten years old? Who discovers he's gay, when he's ten years old? So yeah, I thought that baby would be an adventure." Jared's eyes are watery when he finally looks up at Jensen. "It took me a while to realize that it would also have been my only adventure, that I would have had to give up all I cared about to get that." He sighs. "I guess Mother Nature knew better" he adds, and Jensen's eyes go wide.  
  
"You..."  
  
"Sandy lost the baby, yeah" Jared confirms, nodding. "It wasn't meant to be, anyway. She's been married four years, she has twins."  
  
Jensen licks his lips. He knows it's his turn now, but it doesn't make it any easier. "I was so ashamed," he starts, in a whisper. "And not only because of how useless all the fights with my dad, the town, the _world_ had been or because that tasteless girl had been enough to take you away from me, but because I felt..." He swallows. "Relieved."  
  
Jared nods, apparently not noticing the tear running down his cheek.  
  
"I wasn't ready for it, none of it, so all of a sudden I just needed a different life. And I'm so sorry, fuck, Jay, I'm sorry, but-"  
  
Jared squeezes his shoulder. "I get it, Jen. And you know what?" He offers Jensen a small smile. "You've done real well for yourself. I couldn't be prouder. I just..." He scoffs. "I'm just sorry I never danced with you at our wedding." Releasing him, he pats Jensen's shoulder awkwardly. "I'm sure this next one will go better for you. Lot less complications, I bet."  
  
Jensen reveals in the warmth coming from jared, who has always been a human furnace, before he realizes he's unconsciously leaning in and panics. "Jared, I can't do this," he mutters, standing up abruptly, but Jared grabs his biceps, stopping him.  
  
"I know" he says, hoarse and open, and Jensen really can't be blamed for closing the distance between them and kissing him.  
  
He expects Jared to push him away, to ask him what the hell is he thinking, anything but making that small, pained noise in the back of his throat and kiss him back. As far as kisses go, this is not, by far, their most passionate, but Jensen can taste tears on Jared's lips and that only makes him hungry for more.  
He tiptoes and tangles his fingers in Jared's hair, finding them still as soft as he remembers them, and opens up to him when Jared tongue runs hesitantly over his bottom lip. Jared's big hands cradle his face, and he presses his chest against Jensen's, breathing coming out in short pants through their noses.  
Everything stops as they frantically share all that they used to feel, all that has unexpectedly surfaced back during the last couple of days, until Jared's eyes snap open and he hastily breaks the kiss, pulling away on wobbly legs.  
  
"I can't-I can't do this" he stutters, echoing Jensen's words from before but with a completely different meaning.  
  
Jensen blinks a couple of times, dazed, before he pales, realizing what they have been doing. He's shaking, dizzy with the implications and confused as hell.  
  
Jared shoves him, quite hard, and that seems to clear up his mind a little. "Go home" Jared orders, and if he sounds even more broken than before, Jensen pretends not to notice as he runs away, feeling ashamed and naked as never before, not even the first time Jared has undressed him in the back of his pick-up, under the stars, as Bif Naked's "We Are The Lucky Ones" was playing on the radio.  
  


  
"Jensen, wait!"  
  
Allison tries to catch up with her son, as Jensen pulls his suitcase along and walks out the door.  
  
"Leave me alone, Mama" Jensen snaps, and the woman sighs.  
  
"Well, I'm just sayin', is all" she shrugs. "I saw the way you two were lookin' at each other, honey...you can't just- _pretend_ something like that away, and you know it."  
  
Jensen stops in the middle of the yard. "Just shut up about it, Mama, okay? I can't help the way that Jared feels about me!" He's aware of how defensive his tone sounds, and he realizes that it probably makes the whole act even more suspicious, but he can't seem to be able to stop. His mother stares at him, and Jensen feels his defenses crack a little. "I haven't done anything wrong" he mutters, stubbornly, and her mother's gaze softens.  
  
"You haven't done anything right either, Jen" she replies.  
  
Jensen bites his lower lip, then shakes his head. "I can't believe I'm even having this argument with you!" he exclaims, slamming the car's door a little too forcefully. "I'm leaving! I'm _gone_! I'm marrying a woman, Mama!"  
  
Allison huffs. "Yeah, about that..." She stops, hesitant, and Jensen arches an eyebrow, questioningly. Allison clenches her hands in her lap. "That's not how you're gonna get your father's love back" she murmurs, and Jensen flinches.  
  
"Mama..."  
  
"I'm just sayin'" she repeats, lifting her hands. "You've got a second chance, here, I simply wish you wouldn't mess it up."  
  
Jensen narrows his eyes. "For who? For me or for you, uh? If you like Jared and want him in your family so much, why don't you marry him yourself, mama? Or adopt him! Either would work."  
  
Allison glares at him, crossing her arms on her chest. "Don't sass me, young man" she hisses. "Don't you _dare_ sass me, Jensen. I've put up with an awful lot from you, over the years, and I never complained! Not _once_!"  
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Jensen protested, frustrated, as his eyes throw daggers at his mother, and he can see the moment all the fight leaves her.  
  
"I guess you were right," she says, her voice tired and resigned. "You need to stay as far away from here as you can, if you want to avoid ending up like us." Jensen blinks, and opens his mouth to say something, anything to stop his mother from putting her family down like this, but she lifts a hand. "That boy is quicksand, and you-"  
  
Jensen grabs her hand and squeezes lightly. "What's wrong with being you, Mama?"  
  
Allison sighs. "I just think that you deserve better, that's all" she answers, her voice wavering a little, and Jensen feels his chest clench at causing such pain to her.  
  
"I know you do" he says, softly, pulling her close and hugging her. "You always have."  
  
Allison untangles from him, her eyes teary and filled with emotion, and caresses his cheek.  
  
"I'll see you in New York?" Jensen asks, putting his bag in the car.  
  
"Sure" Allison answers. _You're not even going to say goodbye to your dad?_ she wants to ask, but in the end decides against it. They both know he won't and they both know why.  
  
While she stares at the rental car driving away, a single tear runs down her face, as she wonders where did she go so wrong.

 

  
The tires of Jared's truck screech to a halt when a black slick car cuts in front of him. He honks profusely, and the car swerves, finally parking in front of the Abel plantation.  
  
Jared gets off the truck and stomps towards the street terrorist, but when the car door opens a drop dead gorgeous woman steps out. She's quite tall, her body with all the curves in the right places and she's wearing a green satin dress.  
Her heels are so high Jared feels dizzy by osmosis, as he looks at the way her copper hair dance in the breeze. She looks at him, her perfectly glossed lips arching in a polite smile. "I'm sorry," she says and damn, even her voice is attractive.  
  
For an instant, Jared knows he could totally take a break from men for this woman. "No biggie," it's all he manages to say, still a little starstruck. There aren't many beauties like this around San Antonio; in fact, he has probably never seen anyone like her, not in person, at least.  
  
She smiles again, then hurries up the steps. "What a beautiful house," she murmurs, in awe, and Jared frowns, wondering what is she doing there.  
  
"You, uh-you here to see Jake?" he inquires, conversationally, and she giggles, shaking her head.  
  
"Who? No, I'm hoping to surprise Jensen, actually. My fiance."  
  
Jared freezes on the spot. Wait, what? This means she is-but then again-  
  
"You have the wrong house, then, don't ya?" he says, maybe a little more snappy than he intended, because the woman turns abruptly, arching an eyebrow.  
  
"This is the Abel place, isn't it?" Jared blinks, confused, as she curls a lock of her coiffed hair behind her (also perfect) little ear. Jared rubs at his own, bigger ones, self consciously taking in his own appearance. He's wearing a denim jacked, a battered t-shirt and didn't shave or combed this morning. Let's not even talk about his working jeans, with grass and grease spots that will never go away no matter how aggressive the product Jared tries on them. And his boots have _definitely_ seen better days. Or years.  
  
"Are we talking about the same guy?" he asks, slightly intimidated. "Jensen Ackles?"  
  
She giggles once more, her forehead distending. "Oh, no, my man is Jensen Abel," she clarifies.   
  
"Thank God, that means I'm not lost."  
  
She suddenly seems to remember something and extends her arm towards him. "I'm such a klutz! I didn't even introduce myself yet. I'm Danneel Harris."  
  
Jared shakes her hand, distractedly marveling at how soft her skin is, before his brain catches up. "Harris? As in, New York's Mayor Harris?" She nods, obviously pleased. "I'm Jared. Padalecki," he states, and she beams at him.  
  
"Nice meeting you, Jared."  
  
She rings the doorbell, and it's Jake who opens the door. "Hey Jay, 'sup?" he greets effusively his friend, then his eyes shifts on Danneel, going wide.  
  
Jared shrugs, playing it off. "I was just, er-talking to _Jensen's fiancee_ , here. Do you know where he's at?"  
  
Jake gasps, his eyebrows arching so much they touch his hairline. "I'm Danneel Harris" she chirps offering her manicured hand to Jake too, and Jared sort of resent her for that. "You must be family of his?"  
  
Jake's gaze shifts from side to side until Jared decides to help. "He's Jensen's cousin" he explains. "And I'm his-other cousin."  
  
Jake chuckles nervously and Jared feels sorry for him: the guy's a lousy liar.  
Danneel's expression soften and her smile gets warmer. "You're family! God, it's great to meet you both." Jake offers her a tight smile.  
  
"I think Jen told us something last night about hiking" Jared adds. "Come on, I'll give you a ride up there."  
  
"Really? Oh, that's great" Danneel exclaims, as Jake goes pale. "Nice meeting you, Jake!"  
  
As they walk away together, Jake runs back to the house and calls Jensen, but he's unable to connect.  
  
Fucking suburbia.  
  


  
"So, who's this Jensen Ackles?" Danneel asks, as Jared's truck drives by, and Jared chuckles.  
  
"Local hero, around here," he explains with a smirk, "he blew up the bank."  
  
Danneel gasps and turns abruptly towards Jared, whose eyes shine with mirth. "And that made him a hero?!"  
  
Jared snickers. "Well, let's say _notorious_ , anyway. Jen was 10. Fortunately nobody was hurt...except maybe the cat."  
  
Danneel arches an eyebrow. "The cat? What cat?"  
  
"The one with the dynamite on its back," Jared concludes, and Danneel throws her head back, laughing.  
  
"He-he blew up a _cat_?!" she stutters among giggles and Jared's smile soften, remembering how cute and tender Jensen was back then, his face red and snot running down his nose as he wailed his heart out.  
  
"It was scheduled to die anyway, the vet said it had cancer and little Jensen couldn't bear the thought of it dying alone and in pain." Something clenches in his chest at the memory. "They were doing some blastin' out by the new highway; we took the cat up there, taped him up, said our prayers and ran like hell." Danneel is looking at him, confused, but there's something in her gaze Jared can't put his finger on. And still, he keeps going. "So there we were, sitting in the diner, when the damn cat comes trottin' down the road looking for its owner."  
  
Danneel's jaw drops. "We would have probably caught him, too, but once that fuse hit his tail he took off like a shot."  
  
"Into the bank?!" Danneel exclaims, and Jared hums.  
  
"Well, the theory is that the cat wriggled loose from the explosive, because people still see it from time to time scorched tail and all."  
  
Danneel ponders. "Any...pictorial proof?" she inquires, and Jared laughs.  
  
"Afraid not" he replies "cat's a little skittish around humans."  
  
"No kidding," Danneel echoes, shaking her head in disbelief. "That's quite a story" she states, and Jared's smile turns sad.  
  
"He was quite a guy," he murmurs.  
  
Danneel frowns. Something is not sitting right with her, definitely, but she can't put her fingers on it, not yet. "What happened to him?"  
  
Jared shrugs. "He grew up. Discovered maybe girls weren't doin' it for him, and married some loser right out of high school." He lets out a bitter chuckle. "Thought they'd be together forever, against all odds and his parents, but it didn't take."  
  
Danneel just nods, looking back out the window, and none of them says another word.  
  


  
Jensen is pacing back and forth, right outside his father's shop. He should just turn and leave, he knows that, but he can't. He has to say goodbye, and if the man wants to shout at him again, then fine. Jensen's a big boy, he can take it.  
He has just taken a deep breath and he's about to take the few faithful steps to the door when a very familiar voice calls out to him.  
  
"Jensen!"  
  
He turns abruptly, and goes pale when he sees Danneel walking quickly towards him with Jared in tow. _What-how?!_ Danneel is smiling. "Are you surprised?" she asks, and Jensen feels something coil in his stomach when she leans in and kisses him on the mouth.  
  
"W-what are you doing here?" he stutters as soon as he manages to break the kiss, with his eyes fixed on Jared. Jared shrugs.  
  
"I just came to deliver your fiancee, Jen, don't get your panties in a twist."  
Danneel's frowns at that.  
  
"I think he was talking to me," she objects, but Jensen and Jared don't even hear her.  
  
"Jared-" Jensen starts, and Jared just shakes his head.  
  
"Must be exhaustin', livin' a lie like this." Jensen's eyes go wide, as Danneel narrows hers.  
  
"What's he talking about, Jensen?" she hisses, and Jensen opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Danneel then turns slowly towards Jared, who offers her a little, bitter smile.  
  
"You and I are in love with two very different people" he states, before walking away. Jensen is still trying to wrap his head around Jared admitting out loud he still loves him when Danneel grabs his arm.  
  
"Jensen, you haven't called me for _days_ " she growls. "Now I come here and-what the hell is going on? I demand to know! Who is that guy?! And don't tell me it's a cousin of yours because I'm smarter than that and you know it."  
Jensen swallows and looks at his shoes.  
  
"He's my husband" he answers, quietly.  
  
"Your _what_?!" Danneel squeals, and Jensen cringes.  
  
"Actually, he's my _ex_ -husband, if it helps any?" he tries to lighten up the mood, but the murderous look Danneel gives him tells him plenty about how stupid of an idea that was. He sighs. "I came down here to finalize my divorce," he explains, still without looking at her.  
  
Danneel clenched her fists. “Maybe you haven't noticed, Jensen, but that's a _man_! How the f-"  
  
"Hi, Jensen." Jensen stiffens, as Danneel looks over his shoulder.  
  
"I thought that was you," his father goes on, stepping out of his butcher's shop and drying his bloody hands on his already dirty apron. "This must be your new someone" he says, offering his hand to Danneel "I'm Mitch Ackles."  
  
She looks at his nails and the smudges of blood next to his thumb and actually flinches. Then, she finally catches up. "You're Jensen Ackles, aren't you?" she hisses, ignoring Mitch's extended hand in order to unleash her anger on Jensen. "Jensen Abel doesn't even exist, does he?"  
  
Jensen bites his lower lip, without answering, and she glares at him. “Whatever," she mutters, flipping her hair back and walking away.  
  
"Danneel, wait!" he calls out. "I just-let me try to explain myself!" He finally catches up with her (how can she walk that fast with those heels?!) and grabs her sleeve to stop her. "You don't understand, Danni" he yells, pain lacing through his words " _this_ is not who I am anymore!"  
  
"Like I care!" she snaps. "I don't _know_ who you are!" She is actually trembling in rage. "What else did you lie about? No, don't tell me," she adds, pulling her sleeve free, when she sees Jensen's about to speak. “There's a Lear Jet in Mobile, and I'm on it."  
  
Jensen swallows, and feels the worst scumbag on Earth. "Danni..."  
  
Her eyes are shining with betrayal, disappointment and unshed tears. "Fuck you, Jensen."  
  


  
The insistent tapping sound snaps her out of her reverie.  
  
The blonde guy living at the Abel plantation is, in fact, tapping at her car window. She lowers it. "You're Danneel, right?" He starts, and she just nods, unable to formulate a complete thought that it's not _Jensen is married_ or _Jensen is gay_ , with a few variations of _Jensen is a lying liar who lies_.  
  
He hums, then opens the passenger door and slides in. A few moments pass by as they're both silent, before he smiles at her. "He spoiled things good this time, uh?"  
  
Danneel snorts. "That's a mild way to put it" she mutters. "And don't go accusing me for thinking that."  
  
"I would never! Honest" Jake replies, lifting his hands in surrender. "You know, spoiled's in the eye of the beholder, like the plums my mum uses to make jam."  
  
Danneel blinks. "What?"  
  
Jake chuckles. "My mum's an amazing cook" he explains. "Her jams are the best in three counties. When she makes jam, she always adds almost ruined plums to the mixture; she says that while some people might call them _spoiled_ , the almost ruined ones make the sweetest jam."  
  
Danneel sighs. She can probably understand what the guy means, but she's still too mad to process it all properly, so she just makes an acknowledging sound. The guy seems pleased nonetheless.  
  
This time, is Danneel who breaks the silence. "It was kind of weird seeing Jensen here" she says. "He looks so different. And it's not only the clothes." Jake nods. "Well, at least he _does_ dress better than his father...that man always freaked me out, with all the blood and the frowning" she adds, and Jake laughs.  
  
"Oh, yeah, Mitch Ackles can come out a little...intense" he retorts "and he sure does have a flair for the dramatic" he states, wriggling his eyebrows, as Danneel joins him in laughter. "Jensen had a pretty hard time growing up, you know" Jake tells her afterwards, in a more serious tone. "When his dad found out about him and Jared he...he basically stopped talking to him. Even if they were all at home, he'd act like Jensen wasn't even there. That's why he moved in with Jared as soon as they were out of High School."  
  
Danneel swallows, her hands clenched tightly in her lap. Her father is an ass, most of the time, but she still can't imagine her life without him. He loves her, he'd never stop loving her because she chose a different way. Sure, he'd shout and tear her a new one, but what father doesn't? Like with Jensen... "What happened then?" she asks in a murmur.  
  
Jake's expression turns sad. "They were too young" he answers. "They eloped to Canada, and Jared freaked out. He realized he was going to get _married_ , and he was barely an adult, so he did what every scared teenager does: got wasted and fucked a girl. On their wedding night. Got her pregnant." Danneel freezes and Jake squeezes her arm. "As soon as Jensen found out, he packed his bags and left for New York. He never turned back."  
  
Danneel nods; she gets it, now. Jensen wanted a new life, a new identity, he wanted to leave the hurt and the fear or rejection behind. "Don't be too hard on him, okay?" Jake adds, patting her knee before getting out of the car. "Open mind. That's all I ask."  
  
Danneel looks at the guy as he walks away, a spring in his step that makes him look way younger than he probably is. Somehow, she's relieved: even with everything Jensen has gone through, he had people like Jake to count on. She's never had friends, not like those, and for a moment she actually envies Jensen.  
  
Then she turns on the engine and drives back.  
  


  
_Love is like a dying ember, where only memories remain...through the ages I'll remember blue eyes crying in the rain..._  
  
Jensen groans and covers his ears with a pillow. "Mama, turn this shit down!" he yells. Willie Nelson's wailing voice abruptly goes silent, and Jensen finally opens his eyes.  
  
Danneel is there, right in front of him, and she looks sheepish. "Hi" she greets him, softly. "Hey, D." She fidgets, so Jensen shifts on the sofa and motions at her so that she takes a seat.  
  
"I thought you'd be halfway to New York by now" he objects, and hopes his voice doesn't sound accusing.  
  
Danneel just shrugs. "So did I."  
  
"Oh, dear!" Allison exclaimed, coming out of the kitchen and seeing Danneel standing in her living room. "If I had known we'd have guests I'd have put on the dog!"  
  
Danneel frowns, but Jensen just wriggles his eyebrows. "This is my Mama," he says instead, "and you've already met my dad." Danneel's jaw clenches and Jensen just stares, confused by her reaction. Surely the blood can't have shocked her that much, right? "This is my home" he concludes, opening his arms wide as if to embrace the living room. "This is where I grew up."  
  
Danneel's gaze shifts, before stopping on Allison. "It's a pleasure to meet you" she says, graciously nodding her head. "I'm Danneel Harris, Jensen's fiancee...if there's still going to be a wedding, I mean."  
  
Jensen, pale, bites his lower lip, looking uncomfortable and his mother decides to help him out. "Why don't you take a seat out on the porch, darling?" she suggests. "I'm going to give Jensen some iced tea and you can discuss everything."  
  
Danneel wants to protest, for a moment, before thinking it over. They really have to talk in private. "Thank you, Mrs. Ackles. I'm really thirsty."  
  


  
"It's just nerves" Jensen states, as his mother swiftly moves from one side to the other of the kitchen. "I mean, we're talking about getting married. For real." Allison hums. "I'm doing the right thing" Jensen insists.  
  
His mother sighs. "Do you remember when you married Jared?" Jensen swallows. He wants to tell his mother not to, but he knows her better than that, and she thinks he needs to hear it. Point is, he probably does. "Everyone was against it," she goes on, "everyone. But neither of you cared." She smiles softly at him. "You were a fool for that guy, sweetie. You couldn't put one foot in front of the other."  
  
Jensen snorts.That, he remembers. "I was standin' there, in front of that ridiculous priest, thinkin' _Mickey, hurry up before he changes his mind_ " he murmurs, his heart clenching. The sun rose and settled with Jared, back then.  
"Look where it got me" he finishes abruptly, bitter edge to his words, and Allison just looks at him, sadness in her eyes.  
  
"Jensen, listen to me. Marriage is not perfect. It can crush and burn, it can drag you on, it can barely hold on...but you have to work hard at it, to make it work."  
  
"What about you and dad?" Jensen asks, and Allison chuckles.  
  
"Sometimes that man makes me so mad I could just wring his neck" she answers. "But I still love him, like the day I married him. Because honey, marriage is a big decision, but it's supposed to be the easiest you'll ever make."  
  
Jensen just looks away, his gaze stopping on the back of Danneel's head. "Oh God, I still love him too," he mutters to himself, through gritted teeth, "and only God knows why."  
  
Allison smiles, giving him the tray with the tea and two glasses.  
  
"As your grandmother used to say" she points out, pushing him lightly towards the porch " _you can't ride two horses with one ass, sugar bean_."


	8. ~ 7 - Freedom's Just Another Word For Nothin' Left To Lose ~

  
Jensen keeps staring at his glass of iced tea as if it holds the secrets of the universe, so Danneel realizes that she'll have to start. "Look, Jensen" she says "I really don't care what happened down here." Jensen lifts his gaze, surprised. "You have a past," she continues, "who doesn't? What I need to know is: is there a place for me in your future?"  
  
Jensen clenches his jaw. "Danneel..."  
  
She looks at him expectantly. There's so much in her gaze, and Jensen wants to look away, because he can't do this while staring at her, but she deserves a man who's brave enough to tell the truth and, if he can't give her anything else, he will give her this. "You don't want to marry me," he states, slowly, and he can see her shoulders sag slightly.  
  
"I don't?"  
  
He shakes his head. "No, not really" he repeats. "The truth is that I gave my heart away a long time ago, all of it, and I never really got it back." His voice crack slightly, and he clenches his fists to get through the whole thing. "I don't even know what else to say, but I'm sorry. I just can't, even if it would be the easy way out."  
  
Danneel swallows. If she didn't know what's behind that statement, she would probably get mad or feel under appreciated, but as it is, she can only lower her head. "Wow," she murmurs, "so _this_ is what getting rejected feels like."  
  
Jensen blinks, wide eyed, and they can't really help it. They start chuckling, softly at first, but it escalates until both of them are thrown in a heap on the bench, with tears spilling from their eyes, if from the laughter, the rejection or the guilt, no one will ever know.  
  
Just as they are gasping and recovering, Jensen's cellphone rings.  
  


  
"This is it! This is where they make the stuff I was telling you about" Jensen explains, pointing at the entrance of the ranch. _DEEP SOUTH GLASS_ , the header states. _Hand blown glassware_.  
  
"I'm sure we can find a present for your friend here," Danneel says, "something handmade would be perfect for a new mum."  
  
Jensen stops right before they cross the white little bridge. "You sure you're okay with this?"  
  
Danneel nods and smiles, as they walk together towards the brick house. There's a lot of people queueing, a glass blowing demonstration and even a small bar. "If we want to stay friends, we have to start now, Jensen" Danneel states. "If I go home and we don't see each other for a while, I'll have time to reminisce about what an assholish bitch you are and hate your guts before you have even tried to make up to me. Besides, my dad will probably throw a party when I'll tell him."  
  
Jensen stares at her in shock. "Did you just call me _bitch_?" he inquires, and Danneel smirks. "What happened to miss prim and proper?"  
  
She waves her hand in dismissal. "Screw that, it's mostly for my dad. And plus, I thought you liked that."  
  
Jensen scratches the back of his head, embarrassed. As if she's following a sudden thought, she snaps her fingers. "If you're gay, what's wrong with your clothes? Are you afraid a little color might kill you?"  
  
Jensen blinks. "I just thought that-"  
  
"What? They'd keep you in the closet? No way, Jensen, it's your clothes that have to _stay_ in the closet. Or better yet, be burned."  
  
Jensen shakes his head, chuckling. "You know what? I think I actually like you better, this way" he says, suddenly. "Who knows, I might switch back for you."  
  
He cringes right after the words left his mouth, and he's afraid he's crossed a line, but Danneel simply snorts. "Honey, you weren't that good to begin with."  
  
Jensen beams at her, then stops dead in his tracks, his gaze fixed on the truck parked next to the entrance. "Oh, my God," he murmurs, stunned, as the final piece of the puzzle finally takes its rightful place. He walks quickly towards the building, letting Danneel behind; he doesn't see the way her lower lip trembles for a moment before she bites it and follows him, resolute, with her head held high.  
  
She doesn't want to lose Jensen, and she won't, even if she feels like she's in that Red Jumpsuits Apparatus song, the one with the cat and the mouse: they get lost in a simple game, but once they get at the end they discover that they are not the same that started it.  
  
"How am I supposed to be happy, when all I ever wanted comes with a price?" she sings, softly. "You said that you would die for me...you must live for me, too."  
  


  
Jensen hurries up the stairs, and as soon as he enters the showroom everything's clear to him. There's a whole shelf displaying natural glass formations. "Jared" he murmurs, in awe, as he brushes the tip of his fingers against the cold glass.  
  
"Look at these!" Danneel exclaims, getting close, and Jensen smiles softly.  
  
"It's what happens to sand when it's struck by lightning" he explains.  
  
"That's awesome" Danneel comments, grabbing Jensen's arm to pull him towards another shelf where a few animal figures made of glass are arranged. "What do you think?" she inquires, and Jensen frowns.  
  
"Well, maybe-" Something wet and warm pokes him in the leg and he turns, beaming as he kneels down to pet Sadie, who's still sniffing him. He looks up and, sure enough, Jared is dead still on the stairs.  
  
"Friend of yours?" Danneel asks, patting Sadie awkwardly on the head, before she finally follows Jensen's gaze and sees Jared approaching. With all the people milling around in the showroom, Jared hasn't seen her yet; Danneel doubts he would have seen her even if there had only been them in the room, though, since his attention is focused solely on Jensen. And viceversa.  
  
"They wouldn't notice if the whole building was on fire" she mutters to Sadie, who barks enthusiastically.  
  
"Hey" Jensen greets him, softly. Jared offers him a small smile.  
  
"Look at _that_ ,” a girl right behind Danneel hisses, and she turns slightly towards her.  
  
"He's already taken" she hisses back.  
  
"I tried to call you, a couple of times..." Jensen is saying, fidgeting, as Jared rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed.  
  
"Well, since you're here maybe we can have some lunch," he offers, hesitant.  
"We could sit on the deck? It's nice outside, and-"  
  
A little yell coming from behind breaks the connection and they both turn at the same time. Sadie jumped on one of the girls, throwing her face first on the floor. Jensen can see the moment Jared recognizes Danneel from the way a wall falls behind his hazel eyes. "Jay" he starts, extending a hand to grab his arm, but Jared steps back.  
  
"Of-of course" he stutters "right." He turns to Sadie, his hands trembling slightly. "Come on girl, let's leave this guy and his lady alone." Jensen opens his mouth to talk, but then just swallows and looks at Jared's back as he walks away.  
  
"Shouldn't you try to stop him, Jen?" Danneel asks, softly, and Jensen shakes his head, slowly.  
  
"It's better this way," he states, hoarse. "We're different now. It wouldn't work anyway."  
  
He turns to her and offers her a tired, bitter smile that comes out more like a grimace."Let's just go."  
  


  
When the bell on the top of the Roadhouse door chimes, Samantha looks up and she's surprised to see her son walk in. He sits at the counter, barely nodding in her direction before grabbing the glass she has already filled for a patron and gulping it down. "Slow down, champ," she orders as he winces at the sudden burning, "it's not even 5 in the afternoon."  
  
Jared shrugs and silently pushes the empty glass towards her.  
  
She's about to deny him the alcohol, because even if she's the owner of a bar who lives off of people drinking their livers out this is her _son_ , and she knows getting wasted doesn't really solve anything, but then Jared looks up and there's so much quiet desperation screaming in his eyes that she just clenches her jaw and pours the liquor. "Car keys. And slow down or you won't get any more." Jared growls, but gets the keys out of his pocket and into his mother's open hand. Samantha stores them away in the drawer. "He's not married yet, Jay," she points out then, softly.  
  
Jared snorts bitterly. "Yeah, well. Maybe not on paper."  
  
Samantha pinches at the bridge of her nose. His son can be a stubborn bastard when he wants to, but she's not going to let him drink away the pain as if there was nothing else he could do. "He's going to leave if you don't stop him," she tries again, and Jared narrows his eyes.  
  
"I heard this a time or two already," he hisses, holding the glass so hard his knuckles go white and Samantha fears it will break. There's no music playing yet, too early, so the rumbling of the thunder announcing an approaching storm is heard loud and clear inside the bar.  
  
Jared flinches. "Well, if he leaves I sure hope this weather cooperates," she states, dismissively. "Wouldn't want the flight to be delayed or the roads to be unpractical."  
  
Jared lowers his head. "It's supposed to be a big one," he mutters, sloshing the amber liquid. They don't say anything else for a while, until Jared slams the glass on the counter to grab his mother's attention.  
  
"You know, Jay," she says, filling it up for a third time, "you're my only son and I love you, but sometimes..." She lets it hang until Jared looks at her, arching an eyebrow questioningly. "Sometimes you should get your head out of your ass long enough to get a clue."  
  
Jared's gaze shifts. "He made his decision, Mama," he snaps, regret and disappointment enlaced in his words, but Samantha just shakes her head.  
  
"For somebody who's been holdin' onto somethin' so hard, you're pretty quick to let it go."  
  
Jared sighs. "I can't control him," he murmurs, lowering his head, "I never could. Any more than I can control the weather. But if I could..." Samantha squeezes his wrist, encouragingly, and Jared swallows. "If I could, this would be the baddest motherfucking storm this country has ever seen." He offers his mother a sad smile, and she feels her chest clench.  
  
She walks up to the jukebox to turn it on, and she can't help remembering another stormy day, just like this one, when Jared's father left. Jared was six at that time: he kept telling her that he was going to be seven in a month, and then he would have taken care of her. Her mouth twitches.  
  
He has always wanted to be bigger, and stronger, to protect the ones he loved from pain and suffering; when he was ten, he thought he had already learned everything there was to know, but he was wrong. Then the rebel phase came, the lies, the brushes in with the law, the need to just go against everything...until Jensen.  
  
Jensen has always been good for her boy, she knows that. And Jared has been good for him, too. What she really can't seem to understand is how they don't see it.  
  
She sighs and presses the button, not surprised at all when Cinderella's The Road's Still Long starts playing.  
  


  
"Flight to New York is boarding from gate number 23" the registered voice announces through the speakers, and Danneel smiles at Jensen.  
  
"That's our flight," she says, starting to walk towards the security controls.  
Jensen doesn't move. She turns around, frowning. "Jensen..."  
  
He bites his lower lip. "I'm doing the right thing, right?" he asks, hesitant, and she puts a hand on his arm.  
  
"No, you're not" she replies. "You want to stay here with him, Jen, you don't want to come back. I know it, you know it. So why are you standing in the airport ready to get on that plane?"  
  
Jensen shrugs. "He doesn't want me, D. He made it pretty clear. And I..." He trails off, looking for the right words, but in the end he just sighs. "There's nothing between us anymore. Nothing keeping us together. It would be stupid and pathetic if-"  
  
 _You just gotta do the best you can and that ain't wrong, 'cause when you get where you're going the road's still long! You just gotta do the best you can and that ain't wrong, 'cause when you get where you're going the road's still long! You just gotta do the best you can and that ain't wr-_  
  
"Yes?" Jensen picks up, puzzled. Who would call him on his personal cellphone on a Sunday afternoon? Maybe there's trouble at the office.   
  
"You are one hard man to get in touch with," a friendly, mocking voice greets him from the other side of the phone, and Jensen's even more confused.  
  
"Mr. Kripke? What-why are you calling me?" he inquires, and he can _hear_ the man rolling his eyes.  
  
"We have a pending situation to deal with."  
  
Danneel arches an eyebrow at him, questioningly, and Jensen shrugs. "Mr. Kripke, he signed the papers. We're done with that." His voice shakes a little, and Danneel steps closer.  
  
Mr. Kripke chuckles. "Oh, he did. _You_ didn't."  
  
"What?!" Jensen squeaks, and lots of head turn to look at him. He feels his cheeks go on fire and lowers his tone instantly. "What the hell are you talking about?!" he hisses.  
  
There's paper rustling, then Kripke comes back on the line. "You were in such a rush to send these back to me that you didn't double check."  
  
Jensen is about to protest this blatant attack to his precision when a thought suddenly occurs to him. "Wait, you-does it mean I'm still _married_?!" he blurts out, and Danneel's eyes go wide.  
  
"Well..." Kripke smirks. "Not unless you want to be."  
  
Jensen lets the phone click shut, completely stunned into silence. Married. Jared and him are still married. A hand squeezing his shoulder snaps him out of his reverie: Danneel is smiling at him, knowingly. "It's an honest mistake!" he tries to protest, but Danneel interrupts him.  
  
"Seems to me there's still something between you two, Jen" she points out, and Jensen doesn't know what to say. Danneel, however, does. "I met you when you were 25," she starts, "a good age for a man, if you ask me. You start acting like adults and drop the overgrown kid act." Jensen snorts, and she considers it a small victory. "You always aimed high, Jensen. And that's right, I mean the whole _climb the mountain, reach for the sky_ thing is right, especially when you have all the tools to actually succeed, but...what happens when you get on top?"  
  
She tilts her head on the side, her gaze intense."Once you finally get all you wanted, or all everyone tried to convince you what you wanted, what then?"  
  
Jensen lowers his head. "I just..."  
  
"The time for feeling sorry for yourself has come and gone, man!" she exclaims, slapping the side of his head. "Now it's time to be strong. The best things that you learn, you find on your own, your way."  
  
Jensen just stares at her, dazed. "Why are you doing this for me, Danneel? After everything, after I've hurt you and lied to you, why?"  
  
She shrugs, her expression softening. "Because I see where you come from, Jensen," she explains. "I'm probably there myself, right now. And I don't blame you: you never really know, and you did your best." Jensen opens his mouth to answer, but she just presses two delicate fingers on his lips. "These things don't just happen, you know?" she murmurs, and she walks away, quickly, before he has the chance to reply.  
  
lt takes about 30 seconds for him to realize he's not ready to let go of Jared, and he most likely will never be.  
  


  
Danneel is trying to get her luggage in the overhead compartment, but a man trying to walk past her unbalances her, and she would totally end up in a heap on the floor after her suitcase fell on her head if a large, strong hand didn't steady her.  
  
"Careful with that" a deep, soft voice says. "Here, let me help you." The man grabs the suitcase from her grasp and forces it in the compartment, before closing it.  
  
When Danneel turns to thank him, her jaw drops. "No way! Steve?!"  
  
The man smiles. "In the flesh. A little more than last time we meet, but yeah" he adds, chuckling. "You, on the other hand, look amazing, Danni."  
  
She blushes at the praise, and she wants to tell Steve he looks amazing, too, but her tongue's suddenly tied in knots, like the first time he met him after his acoustic gig at the off campus bar. "What's your seat?" he asks, checking his ticket.  
  
"15B" she answers, and his smile widens.  
  
"What a coincidence! Mine is 15A" he says. He studies the seats.  
  
"Hey, why don't you get the window?" he offers. "You've always been the sappy romantic who cries when she sees the city lights..."  
  
She punches his shoulder, laughing, and he whines jokingly about how much stronger she became; they keep swinging at each other, playfully, until the hostess has to come by and ask them to settle down for take off. As the crew starts the security demonstration, Steve leans in. “I'm so glad I found you again", he whispers in her ear, and she mouths _me too_.  
  
 _"These things don't just happen, you know?"_  
  
Danneel smiles to herself.  
  
Maybe not.  
  


  
"And you should have seen them! Right in the middle of the room, as if there weren't children around! It's disgusting, _disgusting_ , I'm telling you."  
Lauren is shaking her head as a couple of old ladies, also queueing to buy meat, are nodding in agreement. Mitch's jaw twitches, but he doesn't say anything. He has decided long ago that if his son wanted to be a fag he'd have to face these sort of things by himself.  
  
Of course, it has been easier when the wound and the shame were still fresh in his mind; now his son is a young man, strong willed and stubborn like his mother, and some part of Mitch is incredibly proud of him, even if he tries to shut it up. “So that poor girl has been humiliated with some bullshit about the rekindling of their torrid affair" Lauren is explaining. "In my entire life I have never met anyone so manipulative and deceitful!"  
  
"Hey, hey, come on" another woman chimes in "he was just trying to be honest." Lauren huffs.  
  
"Ha! That-that _person_ doesn't even know what the word means!" she exclaims. "Did you know that the girl's father might be the future President of the United States?! That little bastard has-"  
  
"Hey, hey now" Mitch interrupted her, not realizing he's about to speak until he actually does and everyone abruptly shuts up and turns to look at him. "There's no need for name-calling, now, Ms. Cohan. My-Jensen made his decision and that's all there is to it."  
  
Lauren blinks, taken aback, but recovers quickly. "Just go back behind your counter and unleash your anger on one of your overgrown calves," she hisses, and Mitch sees red. He stomps down from his post, a big bloody chopper in his hand and moves towards Lauren narrowing his eyes.  
  
"Nobody talks about me or my son like that" he growls, his voice dangerously low. "If you know what's good for you, you'll grab your little bag, stuff your narrowed mind in it and leave my shop immediately, before my hand looses its grip on this."  
  
Lauren swallows and moves a few shaky steps back, muttering to herself, before bolting, followed by the few old ladies of her group. Allison, who's at the cashier, gives her husband a smile so proud and filled with love that Mitch can feel his cheeks burn.  
  
"Praise the Lord" a woman exclaims, beaming at them. "Finally, the South has risen again!"  
  


  
The doorbell chimes, and Samantha looks up.  
  
Right there, soaking wet from head to toe, there's Jensen.  
  
The rain has finally freed his dark blonde hair from the prison of gel they're usually styled in, and a few locks are plastered on his forehead. He looks flustered, as if he's ran all the way, and looking at his dripping suitcase he probably has. His gaze shifts, until it stops on Jared, hunched on the counter, his long bangs covering his face. Jensen nods at her, before sliding in the next booth. "Hey, cowboy" he greets. "Whatcha drinking? Rum or whisky? Maybe we could double."  
  
Jared's eyes snap up, widening in shock and surprise when he focuses on him. They're not glassy, so Jared's not drunk. Good. "Nice outfit" Jared says, coldly, nodding at Jensen's dripping clothes. "Where's your better half?"  
  
"I'm lookin' at him" Jensen replies. "Apparently, you and I are still hitched."  
  
Jared's jaw twitches. "Is that right?" he retorts, narrowing his eyes, and Jensen fidgets. Figures the asshole was not going to make this any easy on him.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me you came to New York, Jared?" he asks then, in a softer voice. No matter what's going to happen, he has to know. Jared looks away.  
  
"You've told me lots of things I didn't deserve back then, Jensen, but some of them were true nonetheless" he answers, biting his lower lip. "I had to start growing up, I needed to make somethin' of myself."  
  
Jensen nods: he understands perfectly what Jared means, he did the same thing, after all. He wants to tell him, but what comes out instead is, "You about done?"  
  
Jared frowns. "What is it about you, uh?" he growls. "You can't make the right decision 'til you tried all the wrong ones first?"  
  
Jensen flinches. Okay, he deserved it. But he won't tell Jared that. "At least I fight for what I want!" he snaps." "Shouldn't you at least give me points for trying?"  
  
Jared lets out a bitter chuckle. "Oh yeah? And what do you want, Jensen? I don't even think _you_ know," he hisses, his eyes daring Jensen to deny it. But Jensen is done with pretending. He might have a lots of doubts on a lot of things, but there is one thing he's absolutely certain about.  
  
"You're the first one I've ever kissed, Jay," he says, so quiet that if Jared hadn't been so close he wouldn't have heard it, "and I want you to be the last." There's a sharp intake of breath coming from Jared's direction, but Jensen wouldn't know because he's not looking at him.  
  
Then Jared's booth slides and Jared stands up. "Maybe you and I had our chance" he replies, his voice slightly shaky, as he walks past Jensen.  
  
"You're such a stubborn ass!" Jensen exclaims, grabbing his arm and forcing him to turn.  
  
Jared looks back at him, fiery and combative, and this time Jensen meets his gaze head on, trying to let everything he feels shine through. From the way Jared blinks and takes a step back, he succeeded at that. "Whatcha want to be married to me for, anyhow?" he asks, hoarsely, and Jensen smirks at him.  
  
"So I can kiss you anytime I want." He licks his lips, nervously, and feels butterflies in his stomach at the way Jared's eyes follow the movement of his tongue. "I made the mistake of not holding on to you once, Jay," he adds, quietly. "I'm not going to do that again, no matter how brave you are or how coward I am."  
  
Jared's jaw trembles, and he has never been more beautiful. "And I suppose you just expect me to go weak at the knees now" he starts, nervously, flailing his arms in the air for emphasis. "I should fall into your arms crying hysterically, saying we'll just figure this whole thing out--a long distance relationship, right? Because I'm not quitting my job and you're not quitting yours, obviously, since we've just started to-" He bites his lip, hard, shifting his weight from one feet to the other. "And then what? Seeing each other here an-and there, and you and I just... picking up where we left off, and--and growing old together and—"  
  
His voice shakes so bad that if Jensen didn't foresee every single word he probably would have missed half of the speech. "Come on, Jensen, what do you expect? To live happily ever after?" Jared's pleading, now, desperately looking for something, anything that will justify pushing Jensen away.   
  
Jensen simply smiles, again, and intertwines their fingers. "Yes, to all the above" he answers, softly. "Except you don't have to cry hysterically."  
  
Jared lets out a nervous chuckle that sounds a little hysterical anyway, but something's changing in his eyes. "Oh, thank fuck for that," he mutters gruffly. "I'm still not a girl, you know."  
  
Jensen smirks, squeezing Jared's hand. "Oh, believe me, I know." Suddenly, the first notes of Gordon Lightfoot's Me And Bobby McGee fill the air, and they both look up, surprised. Samantha is there, next to the jukebox, with her arms crossed on her chest and a well-knowing smile on her lips; Jensen knew there was a reason why he liked his mother-in-law so much. He smiles back at her, before turning towards Jared and pulling him in. "So, cowboy, you owe me a dance."  
  
"Yeah, sorry I'm a little late," Jared chuckles, "stripes on a tiger are hard to change, and all that." He pretends to think about it. "Well, I guess that since we've already established I'm not a girl, it would be okay," he states, in the end.  
  
Jensen hesitates, suddenly afraid of leaping. "Is okay...good?" he asks, unsure. Jared rolls his eyes and beams at him, and God, Jensen can't even _breathe_ anymore, because there it is. Jared's _I fucking love you, Jensen_ smile. It's not until he sees it again after seven years that Jensen realizes how much he has missed it.  
  
"Jensen" Jared murmurs, softly, as they start swaying slowly. "Okay is _wonderful_."  
  
Jensen leans in and brushes his lips against Jared's, finally letting the hurt, scared, resentful teenager go.  
  
"I don't know about you, but that sounds good to me."

**Author's Note:**

>  **Not Coming Down From:**  [bed](http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Bed)  
>  **Clawed Chained Heart:**  bouncy  
>  **Under The Spell Of:**  David Choi


End file.
